Last week, Bethenny went on a quite a ride. Julie, the "Coordinator of Chaos," decided she's going to be moving to Pittsburg to be closer to her boyfriend -- in three weeks. She revealed to B that she was terrified to leave the job (because of what B might say, or do), but surprisingly the conversation was positive.
Hoppy, on the other hand, could not hold back his emotions as his jaw dropped at the words of Julie's resignation. But just because we didn't get to see B dive into a state of panic, I'm pretty sure that once the cameras stopped rolling, sh-t hit the fan. Instead of mourning, though, B invited all of her employees to Mexico to reward Julie for all the
slave labor hard work she's put in -- hooray for an awesome executive decision!
While at Drybar getting her signature SkinnyGirl ponytail look, B couldn't sit still. She even got up out of her chair to take a peek mid-ponytail (a major no-no at the salon), but of course she can't help herself. Following her hair fondling, she went to lunch with the SkinnyGirl nutritionist where she grilled him on his sexual encounters with models and discussed "panty dropping" once again. Just an average midday meal, really.
At the antiques shop, B looked over some lavish pieces for her new apartment. She walked around gasping (almost to an embarrassing degree) over a wildly expensive chair, bedside table and oh so much more. "Am I tacky to be asking prices here," B asked earnestly. It's actually endearing watching her shake nervously over the cost of things.
were threatened volunteered to model the new SkinnyGirl shapewear collection, where Julie sported padded booty shorts (holding Brynn simultaneously) and Jackie showed off her assets. All in all, an eventful apartment gathering.
While getting ready for a Parenting magazine event, B got her arms and legs lotioned up by her employees as she frantically tried to clean out her fridge. Hoppy stayed home with the baby ...
Back at Dr. Armadillo's office, B came clean about her real feelings on Julie's leave. Finally, she broke down in tears about their first time working together and the loyalty Julie had and probably always will have to her. To sum up, she's f-cked.
Quick pause for a "So True" moment: "Saying goodbye is a really valuable thing to do well," said Dr. A, oh so insightfully.
At the end of the day, the girls and B posed in curve-hugging lingerie for a mini photo shoot. B reflected on Julie's clothing choices back in the day, such as beer-pong shirts and college baseball caps. It was quite a touching moment.
And now, here we are. A new day, and a new chance to weigh B's two dysfunctional sides through her aggressive outbursts and hilarious commentary. As far as we know, she's about to go buck-crazy on Jim Beam and crinkle her face into a little ball of fire. Are you ready?
"Can't Get Enough of You" Bethenny
- Still having Julie make millisecond decisions about her life, including her furniture choices. Milk her for all she's worth, B -- no one blames you.
- Comparing her SkinnyGirl cocktails bottle to urine during a conference with the Jim Beam marketing team, and yet still maintaining a professional demeanor. Even when she says, "It looks like pee pee," the room still stares at her like a goddess. That or they're studying B to determine whether she's joking or just a complete nut job. Toss up.
-Tasting different SkinnyGirl margarita flavors, and deciding on the best ones. Luckily for the table of people clearly clueless about her dangerous outbursts, B loves the "white cranberry cosmo" option, and wants it bottled immediately.
- Demanding her architecture team fight their own battles with the interior design team instead of relying on her to babysit their problems.
- Praying to a random marble object that everyone on her apartment team makes efficient decisions and, most importantly, peace with each other. Only one person barely questions this behavior.
- Knocking on the door, it's B's very quirky, yet loving former baby nurse, Gina! Not only is B genuinely happy to see her, she even sheds half a tear when Brynn reaches for her old pal.
- Asking Gina about her current love life (note: she is looking for a White, Black or Non-Gay man), the slimmer figure she's rocking and the insane demands she must be making of her new employer. As if B's one to talk, but whatever.
- Explaining to Gina how Hoppy is going to be taking over part of Julie's responsibilities, and beginning to cry when she realizes Gina was a person she could open up to in her home. Her emotions are semi frightening, but watching a reality star, or any person for that matter, show raw feelings is surprisingly refreshing.
- Tasting the new SkinnyGirl sports drinks and vegan bars, and somehow finding a way to make mention of big balls in her mouth. As per usual, she gets away with seeming totally appropriate and not at all perverted.
- Realizing while chatting with Dr. Armadillo that maybe she can't change to be more like the person Hoppy wants (or needs for that matter) and vice versa. Might just be the first non-hysterical comment she's made in a session with Dr. A thus far.
- Prepping for a Self magazine cover shoot with a positive attitude wearing lime green heels and a bubble gum pink dress. Owning it.
"Run for Your Life" Bethenny
- Complaining about her insane to-do list, which includes packing for her trip to Mexico, taking care of Brynn and going over apartment furniture details. Only she has assistants to pack for her, a full-time nanny and an interior decorator to help her make her furniture decisions.
- Grinning satanically over the fact that her interior designer, Brooke, is having an ulcer when she finds out Julie is leaving -- meaning that B will be her point of contact moving forward.
- Bringing Julie to her SkinnyGirl cocktail meetings with Jim Beam for "Julie's benefit." This is no selfless act, and she knows it, too.
- Demanding a launch party in Aspen for her new line of Margarita flavors that are far from even the approval stage. Is it just me, or has her impatience grown stronger in past weeks?
- Turning Carrara white when she hears her design team hasn't sent over finalized furniture information for the apartment to the architecture team. In fact, she's speechless and that's when you know she's reached a new level.
- Hoppy brings B's wedding ring to the jeweler because she wants a new setting. Oh! And also 250 diamonds around the stone. So quickly she's forgotten about the discounted lifestyle she lived less than 10 years ago.
-Trying to get Cookie to get up a few steps on her couch, but she's so controlling, Cookie can't help but hide under a chair. She won't even budge when B bribes her with treats.
- Sitting awkwardly on the couch staring down at her notes while Hoppy sits a foot away from her staring down at his phone. Their connection isn't just lost -- it seems as dead as her friendship with Jill Zarin.
- Saying to Dr. A that she feels Hoppy is unlucky to have fallen in love with her because she is "unlovable." It's painful to watch her dig herself deeper into a black hole of self-pity when she has so much love and support around her.
Well, whaddya know, Queen B's "Can't Get Enough of You" side triumphed this week as she spoke her mind exceptionally freely at the Jim Beam meeting, caught up with her former lunatic baby nurse and showed her emotions on a level that wasn't terribly frightening. Actually, it was all very real and relatable. As always, there were episodes of insanity not to be forgotten. For starters, her incessant complaining over tasks that many people have to do by themselves -- yes, without the help of anybody else at all -- or the color she turned when she realized her design team was suffering to communicate clearly with each other. That said, B proved her charming self once again, leaving us back at square one. Till next week!
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Ay dios mio! After last week's hot mess of a rock 'n' roll show, it was nice to see the fire return to the ballroom. Of course, "Dancing With the Stars'" seasonal Latin week might have had something to do with the change in the atmosphere.
Some fumbled (sorry, Gavin), while others set the dance floor ablaze (hola, William) with their Latin moves, but it was the Argentine tango routines that really made the audience gasp. There were shocking lifts, dramatic footwork and shirtless men galore. Not surprisingly, three contestants received 10s from the judges, including frontrunner Katherine Jenkins, who once again managed to make the phrase "naughty bits" sound classy.
Meanwhile, Maria and Derek shared yet another kiss on the dance floor, but this time, it didn't go over so well with the judges, who thought that it was a "cheap trick" for the talented pair.
And then there was Gavin, who knew that his lame samba wasn't going to go over well with the judges even before he stepped off his boat. However, I don't think he really cares about what the judges think.
Now, let's break it down:
William Levy & Cheryl Burke
Dance: Argentine tango
No one can cause a ruckus in the ballroom quite like William. He really is a "one man bachelorette party." Not only is he incredibly good-looking, but the guy can daaaaance.
William and Cheryl's Argentine tango was out-of-this-world-amazing, and I'm not even exaggerating. This was the first week that we saw technical lifts, and William and Cheryl had some of the more difficult lifts, despite William's injured ankle.
After his steamy Argentine tango, Carrie Ann dubbed him, "The Latin dancing James Bond." Have we ditched the "Latin Brad Pitt" already, Carrie Ann?
As for Bruno ... well, naturally, he was speechless. William's tango scored him his first 10s in the competition, one from Carrie Ann and one from Bruno. For some reason, Len was holding out. Maybe he was waiting for William to take his shirt off?
Judges' score: 29
Maria Menounous & Derek Hough
"Oh my god. Oh my god. Did you hear it? She hit her chin so hard. It was so loud. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god." That was pretty much my inner monologue while I was watching Maria and Derek's rehearsals.
Maria might just be the most accident-prone person on the planet. First she bruises a rib, then she gets a stress fracture in her foot and now she's falling face-first on the dance floor during rehearsals. She just can't win.
Well, actually, her life isn't so bad because she gets to make out with Derek Hough on a weekly basis -- and this week, she did get to grind up against Dr. Drew. Can you say, swoon? (Just kidding.)
Once again, Derek and Maria shared a kiss on the dance floor, but this week, Carrie Ann called them out on it. "You didn't need the kiss," said Carrie Ann. "Dancing is about the illusion of passion."
Thank god someone called them out for this. I mean, are they just going to rely on their weird sexual attraction to one another to get them through to the finals? Maria is a great dancer, and she shouldn't need to rely on kissing Derek -- or him being shirtless -- for the votes.
After all, not everyone enjoys seeing Derek's shirtless body. My roommate is one of those people. "Ew, he creeps me out with his shirt off. He's too clean and pale. This makes me uncomfortable."
Judges' score: 27
Donald Driver & Peta Murgatroyd
Dance: Argentine tango
Oh how the mighty have fallen. OK, so it wasn't that bad. In fact, it was actually quite good, especially Donald's lifts. By far, Donald and Peta had the most spectacular lifts in the competition.
However, I felt like while Peta certainly shined during their Argentine tango, Donald didn't quite have the same impeccable footwork. Of course, for Carrie Ann, that didn't really matter. She gave the football player a 10.
But for Len and Bruno, Donald's tango was lacking more technique. Donald is great at showing his strength, but now he's going to need to show the judges his rhythm.
In other news, can we please talk about how Peta was *thisclose* to showing the world her naughty bits? She looked incredible. I can't think of a better partner for Peta than Donald; they're both really intense athletes. I wouldn't want to mess with Peta -- with those muscles, she could probably take me and Roshon out in a heartbeat.
Judges' score: 27
Gavin DeGraw & Karina Smirnoff
"It's a party dance; it's like Carnivale." After watching Gavin's "sham-ba" this week, something tells me that Gavin has never been to Carnivale. Some stars just need to rely on fans' votes more than others, and Gavin just so happens to be one of those people this season.
Now Gavin, what you really have to do is come out and dance to "I Don't Want to Be." You have to remind these people where you come from! You're a prison guard's son, not a dancer, and you don't have to be anything other than what you're trying to be lately.
And Gavin, that's what I like about you. You know this competition is kind of a joke, so you're just going to have fun with it. Gavin was lacking form, and he knew it. "It was more of a struggle than a samba," he admitted to the judges, and they pretty much unanimously agreed. And you know what? Gavin was OK with that.
Even though I know Gavin should go home for his poor performances, I don't want to say goodbye. I'm not ready! I need those hats in my life for at least another week, and I think Gavin could potentially redeem himself during Motown week.
Judges' score: 19
Roshon Fegan & Chelsie Hightower
Roshon's game plan was simple: Copy William Levy. Sounds easy, but for the Disney star, learning how to shake his hips was a little harder than he expected. Luckily for Roshon, the plan was successful, thanks in part to the poster of William he kept in his rehearsal room.
Channeling his inner Latin James Bond, Roshon brought the heat to the ballroom. Out of all of the contestants, Roshon's timing is the cleanest. His salsa was youthful and fun, something that Roshon obviously does really well.
While Len wants to see Roshon enter into adulthood, cougar Carrie Ann totally loved Roshon's performance. "You were sexy in a Disney way." OK, Carrie Ann, that was a little bit creepy.
Judges' score: 26
Melissa Gilbert & Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Maybe it's the way Maks calls Melissa "grandma" or the way Melissa tries week after week to be sexy, but there's something about this pair that makes me really uneasy.
Unlike some of the other (poorer) dancers in the competition (ahem, Gavin and Gladys!), Maks and Melissa are never enjoyable to watch. I'm always on edge watching them dance -- and not in the good, exciting OMFG way, but in the "Is this over yet?" kind of way.
Bruno told her that she has to be "on it" and urged Melissa to start listening to the judges' comments. When Bruno starts being the tough judge, then you know that you're really bad.
Carrie Ann tried to ease Melissa's ego by telling her how beautiful she looked, but isn't being told "you look beautiful" the same as being told "you suck, but hey, at least you're pretty!"
Melissa's tango was so incredibly uncomfortable that it reminded of this performance from Disney Channel's seminal made-for-TV movie, "High School Musical." The sad part is that high school student Sharpay is showing more sex appeal than Melissa has ever shown on the dance floor.
Judges' score: 21
Katherine Jenkins & Mark Ballas
Dance: Argentine tango
If you were to tell me that Katherine has prior dance experience, I'd totally believe you. Her technique is so sharp and on-point that it's practically unfair to all of the other contestants at this point.
I have to agree with Carrie Ann on this one: Katherine's legs -- and her points -- are the best in the show's 14-season history. Her kicks and flicks were impeccably timed, and Mark's choreography was pure perfection.
But Katherine's not only a talented dancer, she's also hilarious -- and she's not even trying. "Let's just say that I've been doing damage to Mark's naughty bits." Well, on second thought, maybe she is.
Either way, Katherine and Mark scored two perfect 10s. Len must be holding out for next week.
Judges' score: 29
Gladys Knight & Tristan MacManus
Watching Gladys dance is like magic. She's not the best technical dancer, and she'll never be able to do her kicks and flicks quite like Katherine, but that's OK because Gladys has got soul, and that's just something that you're born with.
Len called Gladys' samba "simple but effective," while Bruno praised the Empress of Soul for her natural rhythm. Of couse, it wasn't a perfect samba, as Carrie Ann stated, but when you're watching Gladys dance, it's hard not to be captivated by her glowing personality.
Also, Gladys doesn't make it to Motown week, I'm writing a letter to ABC. That will truly be a shame.
Judges score: 23
Jaleel White & Kym Johnson
Who knew Urkel had a six pack under those suspenders? This week Kym forced Jaleel to "shake that booty" -- and take off that shirt -- for their sexy samba.
It wasn't the best of the night, but it certainly wasn't the worst. It was alright, but after weeks of harsh criticism, at least the judges liked it.
For the first time in the competition, Len actually loved Jaleel's performance. Jaleel even brought Len out of his seat! Not to mention Carrie Ann was all finger-snaps and Bruno couldn't stop talking about Jaleel's "mini-me." I don't even want to know what he was referring to.
Judges' score: 24
"Dancing With the Stars" airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET and Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET on ABC.