TVgasm Presents Ronnie Day in Concert 8PM EST

Ever since B-side and I started TVgasm two years ago, our mission was for TVgasm to take over the world. There have been a few little bumps along the way, but as long as there is still blood pumping in veins (and it's not accompanied by too much liquor), world domination will continue to be the way we roll. Today we are very pleased to present to you Ronnie Day in concert live at the TVgasm studios. Ronnie is signed to SonyBMG and wrote the theme song for the upcoming episode of our favorite watching drunk kids scream at each other and hook-up series, The Real World: Denver. What better way to kill time on a Friday than with a free concert courtesy of TVgasm? Click here or on the picture above to enter the live page. Show starts at 8PM EST/5PM PST, today Friday, Nov 10, 2006. Enjoy and have a great weekend!

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Recap: The OC: A Two Night O.C. Event: Part 1:
Mexican't

Fox says: "We're giving you two episodes of The O.C. this week," and I say: "Yes, please!" But here's the question at hand: if a once great show, stumbles for 2 years and then makes an incredible creative resurgence, does anyone care? If the ratings are any indication, it would appear not. Last week's season premiere was watched by, I think, me, the 14 people who commented on the recap, my best friend Carla, her boyfriend John, a cackling-at-the-moon Mischa Barton, and that's all. So Fox thought they'd try something out and plug the show in on Wednesday at 9 PM to get it out of the way of two little shows called, Grey's Anatomy and CSI (maybe you've heard of them). Where this was a good idea in theory, in practice it put the show up against the Lost "fall finale" and the ludicrously popular Criminal Minds starring Inigo Montoya, who I suspect is looking for the man who killed other people's fathers. Prepare to... be investigated! The O.C. took a hit on Wednesday as well, watched by fewer people than One Tree Hill. That's right, more people want to watch Chad Michael Murray trick another one of his costars into marrying him, than care about the Newport Gang. And it's a shame, because these two episodes really kicked ass. I mean, if that nifty piece of photoshop, didn't get people tuning in, I fear nothing will! Here's the recap for Wednesday's episode, with Thursday's Thanksgiving themed recap coming up shortly. Seth is on the phone trying desperately to find out why Summer skedaddled in the middle of then night after her last visit. When he picks up the phone to give his girlfriend a call he accidentally overhears Julie and Ryan having a little chat about the whereabouts a one Mr. Kevin "I'm Bad to tha Bone" Volchok. You remember Volchok, right? Tall, blonde and bad boy-riffic. He's the punk who Marissa was doing bumps of coke with during her "slut spiral" and ended up running Ryan and Coop off the road at the end of last season, effectively killing Marissa Cooper, and freeing us all from Mischa Barton. For that we thank Volchok. This not so secret phone call strikes me as odd. Julie is a manipulative genius and Ryan is no slouch in the sneaky department, so why would they be speaking to one another about such sensitive material on the Cohen family phone? Not like the phones are tapped or anything, but in the past three years has anything in these families been kept a secret? When ever I plan an act of clandestine vengeance, I always use my cell phone. That's just how I roll. Anywho, Seth overhears that Ryan is on his way to Mexico to find Volchok and do unspeakable things to him. Like, perhaps, force him to bathe. Seth intercepts Ryan, who is in full-on Death Wish-Charles Bronson mode, and asks to tag along. After all Ryan claims that he's not going to kill Volchok, pashaw!, he just wants to inform the police to his whereabouts. In fact, he's even thinking about taking Volchok on a man-date complete with eyebrow waxes and Football jersey shopping. Seth sees this as the lie that it is, but Ryan is stuck between a rock and skinny Jewish kid place, so he stops fighting Seth and lets him come along. At Brown, Summer is running head first into another Save the Planet tactic with Che, her hippie leader of freedom. This time the protest is against the Board of Trustee's who want to cut down a tree. I say good. I hate trees. You can never tell what they're thinking. Summer is all for it - anything to keep her occupied - so she heads up to her room to prepare. There Summer finds a surprise in the form of a negligee clad Taylor sleeping in her bed. Seriously, Autumn Reeser is a comedic genius. She's the only good thing (besides Mischa's Big Fat Tragic Death) to come out of last season. Now this is the second time in as many days that Summer has found Taylor in places which are not even remotely close to Paris, where she is supposedly attending the Sorbonne. Summer wonders if Taylor has a twin, which would explain a lot, and be totally awesome for us. Summer may be a dreaded hippie, but she can still smell nonsense a mile away (which is shocking considering the lack of showering and bong stench in the air). Taylor tells Summer that something huge happened while she was in Paris, and now she's on the run, most notably from her scary, scary mother. Before she has an opportunity to unload the big shock on Summer, Che comes in to inform Summer that the chainsaws are at there ready and the protest must begin post haste!From Brown U. to Harbor High, a distracted Julie (she's waiting for word from Ryan in Mexico on Operation: Mucho Revengeo) is being berated by new Dean of Discipline Tia Carrere! That's right, she weaseled her way from the depths of Straight-To-Video hell and back into our hearts. If she was the Dean, she'd be The Dean of Babeness. Anyway Dean Torres is concerned over Kaitlin's craptacular showing at school. She's constantly late, doesn't hand in any assignments, and there is a strong chance that she's flirting with one of her teachers to get better grades. Dean notes the probable "trouble at home" (you know, dead sister's memory lingering about, and all that), so she orders Julie to participate with Kaitlin in the Harbor High clothing drive that is coming up. Ugh. Community service is the pits!If you need anymore reason to fall back in love with the Cohen (yes, even Sandy and his eyebrows) just look to this next scene. Sandy's eyebrows found a note left in a hurry from Seth, and they order Sandy to bring the note to Kirsten. Unfortunately, the note says" Angry Nudfo Chocolate Love," and even Sandy's eyebrows can't figure it out. Luckily for them Seth places a phone call just then, explaining that the note was an anagram. Leave it to Kirsten to immediately see the message: Ryan Found Volchok. Seth informs them that he is in Mexico to divert Ryan from making a murderous mistake. This of course causes nothing but worry in the Cohen parents, which is evident because the veins of Kirsten's face come out in full force. Sadly for Seth and his cell phone, Ryan discovers his betrayal and tosses the phone away. Ryan says Seth can either trust him or he can go back home. The second is actually not an option since I believe that hotfooting it back to Newport would be difficult at this point, but I digress. Seth trusts Ryan, so off they go continuing there journey to the center of Ryan Atwood's soul!Back at the Manse, in the most hysterical scene in O.C. history, Kaitlin is sitting in her bedroom as Albino Minion is shaving Brian Krakow Minion's chest. If my devotion to Luke's twin brothers, Kaitlin's minions, was even remotely in doubt, the chest shaving scene solidifies it. Kaitlin calls them gay, just like their dad, in a refreshingly un-PC way, but they shoot back with the slutty mom card (after all Julie slept with their brother). Kaitlin claims that Gay Dad totally trumps Slutty Mom, but I'm not 100% sure. But I am sure that this will be one of the first major decisions made by the new Democrat-led Senate. Julie walks in, does a wonderful double-take at the minions, and informs Kaitlin that her delinquent behavior has landed them both spots as Harbor High Clothing Drive workers.Upon Ryan and Seth's arrival to lovely Ensenada, Mexico, they check into an adorable little motel. What no TJ? I guess there are too many happy memories of Marissa OD'ing. Seth has to excuse himself to go number 2, which allows Ryan just enough time to slip away and search for his buddy Volchok. Ryan heads to a bar where he heard Volchok was working, but is informed The Vol got the axe a few weeks ago. So now everyone gets to go home, right?

Over in Summer's dorm room, Taylor is looking for pictures of the old gang, but like K-Fed in a divorce settlement, she comes up empty. When Summer's slutty roommate enters (was I the only one who assumed Summer was in a single?), Taylor asks her if Summer's mentioned her boyfriend to her. The roommate, Amber, assumes that Taylor is referring to perpetually Summer-bound Che, but Taylor is not. It seems that Amber hasn't even heard of this "Seth" she speaks of. The wheels in Taylor's head start spinning, presumably bilingually.Seth finishes his doodie duty (tee hee!) and finds Ryan gone. This leads Seth to start checking out the bars for his buddy, but entangles him with a group of booze guzzling Marines led by one of the world's most repugnant people, Jackass' Steve-o. Seriously, what was the point of this cameo? Is there some God awful promotional synergy coming up that we don't know about? I shudder at the thought. This of course leads to Seth getting wiggity wiggity wasted with his new Marine pals (in his defense, if I had to hang out with Steve-o, I'd probably get wasted myself).

Later Seth stumbles to another bar and asks for Volchok. It's the same bar that Ryan was at earlier. Seth is told that Volchok was adios'd, but his inquiry is overheard by a barmaid who has the stench of Volchok all over her. She says she knows where Volchok is and gives Seth an address.Oh yeah, in his drunken stupor we find out that Seth got a tattoo, which we later find out is of Seniorita Vixen. Classic.At the Clothing drive, Kaitlin and Julie seem to finally finding some common ground as they are making fun of the fancy clothes that are being dropped off for charity. Like the poor people being slaughtered in Darfur are in desperate need of Sandy Cohen's old leather jacket? Speaking of Sandy, in walks Kirsten, who is so bored now that she's sober she is getting uber-philanthropic, as Julie notes her kids don't even go to Harbor anymore. Kristen says she needed something to take her mind off trouble at home. You know the usual: roof is leaking, laundries piling up, Seth and Ryan ran away to Mexico. Julie is shocked to hear the news that Ryan is joined by the lanky and somewhat useless in a fight (unless it's a quip-off) Seth. On the east coast, Taylor has seen enough to know she's seen too much, as she marches over to the literal tree hugging screeching "Move it, hippies!" She demands Summer's attention, and pulls her over to ask her what the deal is with Seth. Taylor takes out her cell phone and orders Summer to call Seth immediately, which she does, unfortunately getting a random Mexican guy (Ryan threw out Seth's cell after he figured out Seth called his parents). Since the attempt was a failure Summer heads back to the tree. Oh and we learn that Taylor is also fluent in Spanish. The next morning Taylor has packed up her things (save for the Espresso Machine she bought - I love her), and is heading back to Newport, but not before she gives Summer a piece of her mind. Summer's not in the mood because she just spent the night outside for the first time: "Have you ever slept outside? There is so much grass and you can't turn off the stars." She tells Summer that she is going to ruin things with Seth, especially if anything happens with Che. You can see the old Summer struggling to come out as Summer almost forms those three magical letters "Eww" at even the prospect of cheating on Seth with Che. It's a testament to how far this show has already come this season (yeah, yeah, it's only episode 2), that I'm not even remotely annoyed by the self-knowing comment Summer makes about the false-appearance of a Seth/Summer/Che love triangle. "This isn't a love triangle! I don't DO love triangles, anymore." And I hope she's right. I like Che's character and what he's bringing out in Summer, but I hope it remains plutonic. I'm really buying the tension between Seth and Summer - I mean, long distance relationships are hard enough, add on the tragic death of a best friend? These kids barely stand a chance. They don't need Summer falling for someone else, which I really don't think she is. Summer really gets on the defensive about both Che and Taylor's accusation that she is ignoring Seth. It's kind of heartbreaking when Taylor implores Summer to just talk to her. She doesn't want to talk to you Taylor! She wants Coop! Things get heated and Summer turns the whole thing around on Taylor saying that she supposedly had this huge problem, but all she's been doing is dissecting Summer's life. Taylor begins to storm off, but not until she's casually drops her bombshell: While in Paris she got married! Summer will have to hear the details another time, because Taylor is out of there!South of the border, Ryan returns to the motel room, sans Volchok's head on a platter. Bummer. Ryan can't leave until he finds Volchok, so Seth gives up the information on his whereabouts. Seth tries to get Ryan to swear off violence, but that's like trying to get Mischa Barton to eat something. It's just not going to happen.In Newport, Julie is sitting in front of the television watching Cops (you've got to get your violence fix somewhere, I suppose), which is exactly where she's been for the past 18 hours. Kaitlin is going to the clothing drive without her, but she gets one good parting shot in: "Some of us are still alive." Low blow Kaitlin, but JuJu needed to hear it.Elsewhere, Sandy and Kristen can't sleep, as they are too damn worried about their damn kids. They both decide a trip to Mexico is in order. That morning, they are sipping coffee and formulating a plan. Kristen asks when they will have to stop bailing out their sons from allt heir stupid mistakes. If the rating keep slipping KiKi, it'll be sooner than you think...

Further proving that Prison Break's influence knows no bounds, we see Ryan getting ready to kill Volchok. With the lead pipe. In the dingy basement. Simultaneously, we see Volchok in his casa as he hears a banging on his door. Volchok grabs his hunting knife and answers the door, just as Ryan knocks a door in. Finally, Ryan and Volchok face-to-face! PSYYYYYCH! It was a little bit of misdirection (thus the Prison Break comment - that was soooo Michael Scofield), as Ryan ends up in an empty room, and it is none other than Seth at Volchok's door. Seth is there to tell Volchok that Ryan is in town. Volchok foolishly thinks that Seth is looking out for him, but really he's just looking out for Ryan. If Ryan finds Volchok he'll kill him, and that will ruin Ryan's life. On the plus side it will finally make the "young Russell Crow" thing Seth mentioned last week complete as Ryan will stand over Volchok's body and scream; "Are you not entertained? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?!?! Is this not why you are here!?!?!"

I BELIEVE THE EXPRESSION YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS: BAD. BAD TO THE BONE.

Seth tells Volchok to turn himself in and stop running. He even offers Sandy's help in the surrender. Volchok gives him a big thanks but no thanks. Ehh, Volchok never really bothered me, even when he killed Marissa, although my Bad Boy tolerance is pretty low (yeah, I'm talking to you Austin on Desperate Housewives). I just wish that this kid was a better actor. You can tell that Volchok does feel remorse over what he did to Marissa, but it's not conveyed all that well. Seth's sneaky, sneaky leads to a Ryan/Cohen parents reunion. Sandy and Kirsten beg Ryan to come home with them, but Ryan refuses while Volchok is still out and about, lovin' the ladies and ruinin' lives. Luckily, timing is on Sandy and Kirsten's side as Seth walks in to inform them that problem is solved: Volchok is gone!

At the airport, Taylor is ready to head back to Newport when Summer shows up to apologize. She acknowledges that Taylor was right when she said Summer was pulling away from Seth. Taylor completely understands, and knows Seth will too. She makes Summer promise that she will at least write to Seth to tell him as much. Before Taylor leaves she gives a brief rundown of her whirlwind romance in Paris with an older man, which ended with her married in his family's chapel, with Ethan Hawke looking on. Julie decides that Kaitlin's tough love was effective and she shows up at the clothing drive, although it's obvious that Kaitlin is up to no good. This is confirmed when Dean Torres shows up to let Julie know that some of the expensive clothes from the drive have been sold to second hand thrift stores. And Kaitlin's the one doing the selling!Later, back home, Kaitlin admits to her wrong doing, but not before hilariously justifying it with some made up facts about mountains of clothes for the Darfur relief already collected in New Jersey. Julie calls her out on the story, and simply tells her that she can't keep this family together with Kaitlin running around like "A Clockwork Orange." This seems to get through to Kaitlin, as she offers to make her mom some ice cream. This tentative trust is immediately shattered as Julie gets, yet another, mysteriously phone call and disappears from her obviously screaming for attention daughter. Back at Brown, poor Summer is struggling to write Seth a letter telling him how she feels. Again the strides that Rachel Bilson has taken as an actress in the last four years are incredible. My heart breaks a little when she speaks, but doesn't write, the words: "Dear Seth, I still love you. I really still love you. I just... I just can't..." As things start to get too real in her own head, Summer heads out to meet Che, obviously her distraction from anything even remotely resembling her own life. Che says they were victorious, and they don't need to sleep with the tree anymore. Summer convinces him that the trees still need him, and he happily obliges. Watch yourself, Che! My memories of Bright Abbott are not SO fond that I will stand for you putting the moves on poor, grieving Summer. I also happen to have the being perculation of a theory that Che isn't as much of a hippie/save the planet guy as he seems... Just a thought...At the same time, the Cohens are driving back home to Newport with a surly Ryan in tow. Seth and Sandy are driving in one car, with Sandy piecing together the fact that it must've been Julie (and a P.I.) who informed Ryan of Volchok's whereabouts.In the other car, Kirsten is trying desperately to get something out of Ryan other than a series of grunts. As I've said before, Ryan/Kirsten scenes are my fav, but this one is a bit of a letdown. Kirsten starts off strong by saying that this was her nightmare when Ryan first lived with them, that he would do something and get Seth hurt. Ryan starts to apologize for letting Seth come along, but Kirsten interrupts him with an all-too-obvious "Now I have two sons" comment. It seems the mysterious Ya-Ya Sisterhood interrupting phone call Julie received was from Sandy. They meet at the yacht club, and Sandy lays into Julie. "After everything our families have been through, you would put another one of our kids in danger?" But Julie has the card that beats all guilt cards: "At least you still have both your kids."The next morning, Seth goes out to the pool house to make amends with Ryan, but Ryan sees him and just closes the blinds in his face. Alright! On to recap numero dos!!!

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Newsgasm: The perfect face for comedy

Ricky Gervais has the perfect comedy face. Seriously. Scientists in the UK with a lot of time their hands used computer software to research the facial features most likely to make people crack up. They scanned 179 faces of 20 comedians and concluded the winning look combined a round face, small forehead, wide nose, big lips, large eyes and high cheekbones. The resulting picture was the spitting image of the guy behind The Office.Dr Anthony Little, a lecturer in psychology from the University of Stirling, explains: "The features most likely to mark male comedians out for success are predominantly soft and feminine. The characteristics of a feminine face imply the person may be agreeable and co-operative, which can be causal in our first impressions of comedians as being friendly and funny... Soft, feminine features put us at ease and encourage us to relax. This is conducive to laughter and enjoyment."Gervais says he's "shocked." "All these years I assumed my global success as a comedian was down to my acute observations, expert directorial rendering and consummate skills as a performer. Turns out it's because I've got a fat, girly face."But what about Borat?Dr. Little carried out a separate investigation into comedy sensation "Borat," the comedy alter-ego of Sacha Baron Cohen, who has distinctly masculine and serious facial traits. "Cohen's atypical comedy face may be the reason why his routine depends on disguise and alter-egos. Borat's costume, exaggerated accent and feigned slow-wittedness help create a false sense of superiority in his interviewees. The humour lies not in making the respondent laugh but in convincing them Borat is serious, if harmless and ill-informed." Agree? Who would you add? Dr. Little carried out a separate investigation into our ironically anti-Semitic comedy sensation, one of the alter-egos of Sacha Baron Cohen, who has distinctly masculine and serious facial traits. Hey, he's making lots of people laugh!"Cohen's atypical comedy face may be the reason why his routine depends on disguise and alter-egos. Borat's costume, exaggerated accent and feigned slow-wittedness help create a false sense of superiority in his interviewees. The humour lies not in making the respondent laugh but in convincing them Borat is serious, if harmless and ill-informed." Agree?--Tabloid Baby

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Newsgasm: Smith comes back to life-- online

Smith was the most expensive and most-hyped new CBS series of the season. With an all-star movie cast including Ray Liotta, Virginia Madsen and Amy Smart, the show about big-time high-stakes robbers was bound to make history. And it did-- as the first cancellation of the season.But now CBS is burning off the four unaired episodes online. And they're making an event out of this shape of things to come. The shows will be free for four weeks on CBS' Innertube broadband site. The three episodes that already aired will also be there, so viewers can see all seven-- with a minimal commercials. And because production shut down before they could bring the serialized drama to a conclusion, Smith's unemployed writers put together a synopsis on CBS.com, showing how producers planned to resolve the series. Warner Bros. is also selling episode downloads on various online stores. With all this activity, Smith's audience might even grow large enough to qualify as a cult.--Tabloid Baby

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Newsgasm: NBC dumps its comedy online

This is sure turning into a banner week for online television. We haven't even gotten around to talk about MTV's all-encompassing Internet plans for its new quasi reality series, Twentyfourseven (December 6), when NBC-Universal goes and launches its Dotcomedy.com broadband channel, a sprawling dumpsite for all kinds of television comedy. There's stand-up; there's late-night fare from Leno & Conan; the first ten years of Late Night With David Letterman (all that "intellectual property" came in handy after all) and Saturday Night Live; sitcoms from the vaults, from forgotten shows like Significant Others to old favorites like Leave It To Beaver; and other miscellaneous funny stuff. And The Munsters. This morning, the three most-viewed clips on the site are a Blue Collar TV sketch, a bit from Kevin Nealon (!?), and a scene from Beaver. And by the end of the year, they're planning to roll out original pilots, shorts and at least three series: a news show parody with Brian Unger, formerly of The Daily Show (sounds very original); Hot Tub in Space, the adventures of four boys travelling the galaxy (Homeboys in Outer Space, anyone?); and Playback, with musical comedians Stuckey & Murray mocking current events through original songs (paging Dennis Blair...).But what's got most of here in the Tabloid Baby office most pumped up for broadband squinting: Dotcomedy has also got lots of episodes of The Munsters.--Tabloid Baby

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Newsgasm: Duchovny heads back to prime time

Looks like the movie career isn't working out so well for David Duchovny. The former Fox Mulder could be starring in a prime time TV series for the first time since The X-Files left us in 2000. At least he can hold his head up and say it's for Showtime, and that he's got two series in the works. Tea Leoni's husband is wrapping a deal to star in an untitled drama pilot about a novelist named Hank Moody (get it?) battling addictions to sex and drugs (good)-- while trying raise a kid (not so good). The show was created by Tom Kaponis (Dawson's Creek) and was originally entitled Californication. The versatile leading man is also writing a pilot for a very californicating comedy called Yoga Man, described as "Shampoo in a yoga studio." For you younger readers, Shampoo was a 1975 political comedy starring Warren Beatty as a Beverly Hills hairdresser who has sex with his clients. Female clients.--Tabloid Baby

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Has Anyone Checked On Mickey Rooney Lately

R.I.P. Fella's

It's been a tough 24 hours for TV fans. Last night, we learned about the loss of Ed Bradley, the oldest man to ever get a single ear pierced, that baton has now been passed to the youthful by comparison Harrison Ford. Now word has come in that octogenarian Jack Palance passed away today. While we are still waiting on the official cause of death, TVgasm speculates the cause to be supersaturation of awesomeness. That much one handed oscar winning awesomeness is too much for even the most youthful of bodies to sustain.

We all know what they say about these things coming in three's, but rather than being so obvious as to speculate on who the third may be. . . TVgasm looks back at those we have lost in recent weeks in a salute we like to call, the TVgasm salute to recently dead things.

Mr. Ekko

K-Feds Career

The Cast Of Prison Break

Republican Controlled Senate & House

Captivating Writing On abc

Anything Im forgetting?

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Clipgasm: Heidi Klum Karaoke Edition

The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Syndicated, 11/10/06

Testing the limits of how much we love her, supermodel Heidi Klum sang karaoke on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today. I still can't decide if it's awesome or awful or a mix of both. You decide.

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Recap: Survivor: White Lies...

Wow. Now we have a season! Survivor has been pretty solid so far, but after this week's episode, it suddenly went to a whole new level. As anyone knows, the best reality shows pit a tormented underdog against a cocky, awful majority (Big Brother 6 anyone?). Until now, we sort of had underdogs in Aitu, mostly because their ranks weren't filled with muscleheads like Adam, Nate, and JP, but it wasn't really enough for us to wholeheartedly get behind them. But now everything's changed. Mark Burnett introduced a twist that not only ingeniously changed the game, but suddenly increased our emotional investment in the characters by about tenfold. And to top it all off, the immunity challenge was in-saaanely exciting. This is what reality TV is all about, people! This week's episode began at the Aitu tribe with Jonathan gathering his alliance (read: everyone but Ozzy) and spewing out a pep talk about sticking together and whatnot. The plan, they all decided, was that if they lost immunity, Ozzy would be a goner. Yes, everything seemed so simple and straightforward... that is, until Candice revealed to us that she wanted to rejoin her fellow whiteys, Adam and Parvati. Dunh dunh DUNH!!! Of course, this wasn't really shocking to anyone who happened to notice Candice's kissy faces towards Adam during Tribal Council a few weeks ago. We could tell she hated being on the "dorky" tribe. She then told us, "It's gonna get to a point where somebody's gonna get greedy." You know, like YOU, CANDICE?After the opening credits, we then learned that Jonathan too wanted to rejoin his white brethren, and as he plotted with Candice for a way to hone their white power, I just hoped and prayed that everyone else would catch onto them. Ozzy probably would have been the best bet to sniff them out, but considering that he was fairly ostracized, his word probably meant nothing. Nevertheless, Jonathan told Candice that he wanted to take her to the final two, and she nodded and agreed, which was amusing since in the very next instant, she told us that she wanted Jonathan gone. Yay Survivor deception!

Meanwhile, over at Raro, the gang spent their morning talking about the merge and how the tribes were even at six people apiece. For whatever reason, Brad commented that it was "every man for himself," an offhand remark that managed to rile up everyone, particularly Parvati and Adam. While Brad wandered off to do whatever, the rest of the tribe feared that he was playing an individual game entirely too early. Was he duplicitous? Would he screw them over? DID HE HAVE BAD WIND AGAIN? Whatever it was, the whole gang decided they would vote him off next, no matter what.Or would they? (Insert image of me looking coy.)We then headed off to the reward challenge, and before we could learn the latest batch of convoluted rules, Jeff had a bombshell for us. He offered each person a chance to mutiny and join the other tribe. HOLY MOLY! Even better, everyone only had ten seconds to make the decision, which meant no one could really think through their actions. At first, it appeared as though no one was gonna bite, but I had a feeling Candice wouldn't be able to pass up this chance to be with the popular kids. After all, she really seems like one of those girls who'll be all sweet and nice to everyone but will only socialize with people that she deems to be the "cool kids." Not that I have any personal issues with that. Not that I'm thinking specifically of one girl from college or anything like that...Sure enough, just as expected, Candice stepped forward, leaving her old tribe behind. This then put Jonathan in a prickly situation: maintain his ties with Aitu or preserve his "alliance" with Candice. Well, just at the last second, he too "mutinied," dealing yet another blow to the once formidable Aitu tribe. Truthfully, this was probably the dumbest thing either of them could have done. By exposing that the old, original white alliance was still going strong, it sent a signal to all the minorities that it was time to kill whitey. Or at least, it should have. The merge could not come soon enough...

Aitu, Bruté?

Well, poor Yul was absolutely stunned by these developments. Ozzy, on the other hand, saw it coming the whole way. "I'm sure they'll get their fates sooner or later," he seethed. It's funny -- Ozzy always seemed like such a bitch, but now, his badass attitude was more welcomed than a bar of soap and some deodorant.Anyway, it was finally time for the challenge, and yes, it as simple as they come: tribes had to put two people in a barrel, roll the barrel through obstacles, collects floats along the way, dump the barrel into a lagoon, attach the floats, paddle the barrel across the lagoon, collect flags all along the way, attach said flags to a flagpole on the other side of the lagoon, dig in the sand, find an axe, chop a string, and raise a flag. Easy peasy! And all for some coffee and pastries. Oh, and letters from home. Blah.Well, each tribe dumped two girls in the barrel and then rolled them down the course and over various bumpy objects. Needless to say, I'm sure it wasn't the most pleasant experience for the ladies. Miraculously, the depleted Aitu tribe managed to eke out an early lead (thanks to twin supermen Ozzy and Yul), and I had to admit, I was rooting for them hardcore. I mean, talk about definition of underdog. It's full on war now. Aitu or nothing!

Barrel o' fun!

Anyway, the competition soon spilled over into the lagoon, and amusingly, Jeff boarded some sort of vessel that allowed him to yell and berate mid-lagoon. It kind of reminded me of Heart of Darkness, except with more khaki. Well, once in the water, Aitu managed to blow its lead wide open, at one point causing Jeff to happily yell, "RARO! NO chance of getting back!" Later, Jeff probably called up his mom and said, "Yeah, it was a great day today. I got to belittle this one tribe so badly. Oh, it was fantastic!"

"Pardon me while I go off in search of Skull Island."

Well, as Aitu neared completion, Jeff observed, "Ozzy and Yul have been workhorses on this challenge!" And by "challenge," Jeff clearly meant "season." Sure enough, they may have been down, but they were far from out: Aitu won reward! In your face, ASSHOLES! Pure redemption! Even better was Ozzy who had no qualms about telling Candice and Jonathan that "Mutineers are the first people to die, man." Okay, a little harsh, but welcomed nonetheless.As an added bonus for this victory, Aitu then could send someone to Exile, and no surprise here: they shipped off Candice, who let out a feeble goodbye wave to her former tribe. YOUR GESTURES ARE UNWELCOMED HERE, TRAITOR! Well, it all seemed like wonderful vindication, but even though Aitu had wound up on top, the pain of deception had taken its toll on Sundra, who couldn't help but cry with disillusionment. Welcome to reality TV, sweetheart.After the commercial break, the winners headed off to their reward where they feasted on pastries and coffee. Everyone seemed incredibly happy, especially when they came upon some childhood photos from home. My favorite was Yul's high school picture, which revealed him to be every bit the dork we expected him to be. Speaking of Yul, he, of course, expressed this experience in a typically thoughtful way, saying, "It just really hits you that these are real people that you're interacting with. You know, people with hopes, dreams, fears, aspirations." Hey Yul. Stop being so articulate and awesome, okay? WE GET IT, YUUUUL!

Of course, the happiness soon turned to sadness as everyone read letters from home. Sundra was a complete mess, but it was Ozzy's tears that precipitated a group hug. Awww. "We're a team 'til the end now," Ozzy said. Yeah, team 'til the end! Unless, of course, you lose immunity.

Meanwhile, out on Exile Island, Candice complained about her unfortunate situation, saying "Now I'm here sitting on Exile Island by myself while Jonathan is bonding, having a good time, and I'm out of the game." Yeah, and whose fault is that? Just shut up and built a sandcastle or something.Over at Raro, however, Jonathan wasn't exactly "bonding, having a good time" with his new/old tribemates. He was instead trying his best to ingratiate himself with the crew. Turns out the love for the old white alliance only encompassed Candice, on account of her being attractive and not annoying, and so while Jonathan may have thought he'd now supplant some lesser folk like Brad or Jenny, he instead found himself on the very bottom of the totem pole -- an easy cut if they headed to Tribal Council. Nate put it best when he noted, "You really think that we all have your back after we just saw you sell out your other tribe? Are you dumb?" We'll withhold judgment about Nate until after the show...After the commercial break, we found Jonathan scampering around the camp, trying to be like a chubby, middle-aged version of Ozzy. Yes, he was working his ass off, trying to be useful for the gang. It was basically his way of saying, "Okay, okay. You don't like me. But I've increased your coconut harvesting productivity by .24%!" The good news for Jonathan was that he was able to earn the trust of Adam, who agreed to be loyal to the old white alliance. At least, for now.We then went out to the immunity challenge, which looked to be another convoluted mess, but it actually was relatively simple and extremely exciting. Basically, teams would paddle out into an area in glass-bottom boats, find three underwater targets, and once the crosshairs on the glass were aligned with the crosshairs on the target, they'd drop a cannonball. If they connected with the target, several buoys would be released. Once teams had all three sets of buoys, they'd then use them to solve a puzzle on dry land. One buoy had a question, and the rest spelled out the answer.Immediately, I was intrigued with this challenge, only because the use of a glass-bottom boat was fairly novel for Survivor (as opposed to the usual mix of pontoons, floats, and canoes). Well, both tribes paddled out, and off the get-go, Raro was already way off course. This caused general excitement in the TVgasm offices because quite honestly, we wanted nothing but bloodshed for Raro, specifically Candice and Jonathan (and maybe Adam too).Aitu, on the other hand, adeptly positioned themselves over the target. They released their cannonball and... nada. Total miss. Raro, on the other hand, readjusted themselves and dropped their own cannonball -- to no avail. They missed too! But their luck soon changed, and they eventually hit two targets right in a row. Oh, this was bad. This was very bad. Luckily, Aitu managed to hit a target, but they were still behind, and Raro appeared to be on a hot streak. To say this was exciting was an understatement. I don't know if the challenge was necessarily crazier than the balancing one a few weeks ago, but the stakes were about ten times higher. No one from Aitu could go home. No one.Luckily, Aitu hit a second target, tying them up with Raro, which had suddenly stalled in the water. They not only missed, but they seemed to be getting sloppy, causing Jeff to make some remark about them losing momentum. Shockingly, Jonathan had the temerity to actually mutter back, "Oh please, Jeff." NOBODY SASSES COACH PROBST! Jeff asked him to repeat himself, and when Jonathan said again, "Oh PLEASE, Jeff!", our intrepid host snapped, "Jonathan getting frustrated by ME!" This could lead to one prickly Tribal Council!In a great turn of events, Aitu managed to hit their third target (thanks to Yul's new reverse-periscopic strategy), and soon, the tribe was paddling to shore! But would Raro launch a comeback? They dropped a cannonball... and missed again! They then dropped a second cannonball... and missed a second time!!! Cosmic justice!

Well, you can imagine how this all wound up. Once Aitu got to shore, they quickly figured out the puzzle (the clue: what was the most famous mutiny. The answer: Bounty). Just like that, Aitu redeemed itself again, winning its second challenge in a row with its newly depleted numbers. What a wonderful, wonderful turn of events.After the commercial break, we headed over to Camp Raro where the first order of business was Candice selling out Jonathan. Despite his earlier claims, Candice told Adam that she was not in fact super tight with Jonathan at all. Not even remotely. Well, looks like Jonathan was a goner! But wait... Adam actually had a pretty smart strategy. He figured that they might as well keep Jonathan around because they knew he wouldn't flip back to his old tribe -- they'd never take him back. Brad, on the other hand, had already expressed displeasure in subtle ways. He could very easily flip-flop after the merge; so why not get rid of him? This caused Nate to then proclaim that Brad was definitely a goner. Keep in mind this was like the tenth time this episode that Nate had authoritatively announced the next ouster to us. Which one is it, Nate? Brad or Jonathan? Make up your mind, NATE.Nevertheless, Nate said he was going to hone his inner-Denzel and fool Brad into thinking everything was cool. However, I'm not sure his inner-Denzel would be winning any Oscars because immediately, Nate's voice raised about two octaves, and he began acting so shady and aggressively friendly that I was shocked that Brad didn't catch on. Candice, meanwhile, continued to scheme against Jonathan, saying that he had talked all sorts of shit against Adam. Well, Adam certainly did not appreciate that. He clearly was used to only kind words, on account of the Aaron Eckhart face. So what should he do? Get rid of the crafty Jonathan or the ambiguous Brad?At Tribal Council, Jeff asked the group about having extra numbers heading into the merge. "We're just going to pick 'em off like zits," Jenny announced, drawing the disgust of Probst. Silly girl. Don't you know the cardinal rule of Tribal Council: Thou shalt not discuss acne in the presence of Probst!Moments later, as the tribe goofed around and joked, Candice noted that one of the reasons why she switched sides was because Raro seemed to enjoy themselves so much more. WELL. Probst was not about to let her off the hook with that. He sarcastically said, "So you're telling me, CANDICE, that you stepped off that mat because you could just sense that Raro was a lot more fun???" He then added, "Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining!!!" Okay, he didn't say that, but it really was raining, so even if they did piss on his leg, they wouldn't be lying. In fact, the precipitation was so intense that everyone was soaked through, especially Jeff who was all slick and wet. It's always funny when Probst gets wet. Kind of like when a cat gets stuck in the rain. I feel bad, and yet I can't help but laugh.Nevertheless, discussion soon focused on Jonathan and whether or not he was assimilating well with the gang. Nate said that Jonathan's only problem might have been that he was leading the tribe too much, and in Raro, if you're a leader, "we'll cut you up!" Yes, leaders are terrible. Just look at how well Raro's done without them...Well, I was starting to think that Jonathan might be doomed, but then Probst asked Brad if he trusted anyone on his tribe, and for whatever reason, he said "No." GREAT. Granted, it's fine for him to not trust anyone, but that being said, if you don't trust anyone, why would you then trust them with your honesty? DUMB MOVE. Best part of all, however, was that when Brad said he didn't trust everyone on his tribe, we then cut to everyone else who had an absolutely appalled look on their faces. Maybe they forgot how earlier they were plotting against Brad behind his back. But seriously, they're all trustworthy.Finally, it was time to vote. Jonathan unsurprisingly voted for Brad, and in turn Brad voted for Jonathan (in tiny, tiny, tiny handwriting. Literally, it looked like a line). But how did the rest of the tribe vote? Sadly, Jonathan was safe. Everyone voted out Brad, who later said he didn't see it coming at all. Technically, it was a smart move for Adam, Candice, and Parvati because it kept Jonathan indebted to them, but for the rest of the non-whites, they better wise-up and realize that they're on the outside of a still-strong alliance...

Ah, but don't think this episode was done just yet. Jeff had one more twist: Brad was now the first member of the jury. Wha-wha-wha-whaaat? That's right, even thought we went into the night with twelve people, the jury was starting early this year. Would we have a supersized jury? Or would there be something crafty about how each member was selected? I guess we'll just have to keep on watching...What did you think about this episode? Did you like the twist? What about Jonathan and Candice's actions? Did Raro vote out the right person? And what's up with the jury? In the words of Rebecca from Amazing Race 6: SO MANY QUESTIONS!

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Ham! Eggs! HUMPTY!!

So, how about that Rick Santorum? I mean, uh, how about that Grey's Anatomy? Sorry about the late recap, folks—but it'll be worth it because I threw in a bunch of ELECTION HUMOUR.Meredith opens by gracing our eardrums with some throaty talk about commitment. Apparently, if you're a surgeon, when you're in the O.R. and you whip out the scalpel and make the first cut into a patient, you're committed to finishing what you started. Hey, NO SHIT. Cristina, it seems, now handles literally all of Burke's affairs. She's running around like a little fascist, dominating the surgical board, scheduling procedures, and demanding residents bring her coffee, all to the other interns' disbelief. Meredith defends her, saying that she's just helping out Burke. But when Cristina picks up the marker and starts writing on the surgical board herself, they realize she really is taking control like goddamn Nancy Pelosi. Alex jokes that if sleeping with Burke gives Cristina this kind of authority, maybe he should try sleeping with Burke too. Ooh! Maybe you could do a threeway with Ted Haggard!
"I'm important!"In the locker room, Cristina remains distant from the other interns and even more uptight than usual. She declines a happy hour invitation because she has to study for Burke's upcoming surgeries. Actually, she probably just realized at last that the interns go to THE SAME FUCKING BAR EVERY TIME. In the hall, George approaches Callie and pleads with her to talk to him. She bellows briefly and then thunders off.At the rustic mountain trailer, Dr. Shepherd steps out of the shower to discover that some woman named Nancy has barged in unannounced. This scares the crap out of him, and just as he's recovering, The Pomp comes in as well. Apparently women just don't knock anymore. Anyway, Meredith is hurt, oh so hurt, etc., and leaves before Shepherd has time to explain. "That bitch Nancy" finds this amusing and guesses correctly that Meredith is "the slutty intern" she's heard about. Who is this Nancy and why does she suck so much?
"I'm naked!"In the elevator at SGH, Izzie babbles endlessly that she's feeling so great about her first day back at work. Great. Great! SHUT UP. After she leaves to talk to HR, George and Meredith stop the elevator and play some bizarre confessional role-playing game in which George impersonates Cristina and Meredith impersonates Izzie. It's annoying as shit. Especially when George thinks it's McFunny to McImpersonate McCristina by McInserting McMc in McFront of every McGoddamn word he says. See! NOT FUNNY. Anyway, they whine mutually about romance and vow never to date again. No great loss to society there.Dr. Burke meets his first patient for the day—a guy with a heart tumor who's been told he needs a "cardiac autotransplantation." Cristina, practically sweating glee out of her pores, explains helpfully that this so-called "Humpty Dumpty surgery" involves removing the guy's heart, cutting it open, scraping out the tumor, then stitching up the heart and putting it back in again. Burke remains cautious, as the surgery is "risky"—wow, I never would've guessed—but Cristina keeps interrupting, saying the guy is a perfect candidate. In fact, she's already scheduled the surgery for this afternoon! Okay, this ambitious-Cristina thing is starting to turn her into a bit of a caricature. DIAL IT DOWN A NOTCH PLEASE.Over in Webber's office, the chief informs Bailey that Izzie's being placed back under her authority. Bailey would rather see Izzie assigned to a different resident, but Webber stands firm, saying that some people have concerns about Bailey's judgment post-Denny. Bailey is stunned by this revelation—admittedly, it's shocking, given that there wasn't a GIANT FULL-AUDITORIUM MEETING ABOUT DENNY last week or anything—but Webber says Bailey will never put those concerns to rest unless she takes responsibility for Izzie.A young pregnant woman arrives in an ambulance, but Dr. Montgomery is baffled because the woman's not due for a few weeks and nothing looks emergency-worthy. BUT OH HO HO. Turns out the woman has two uteruses. Whaddya think of that, MICHELLE MALKIN?!?? Bailey finally meets with a very nervous Izzie. Izzie understands that she has to undergo counseling, extra volunteer work, forcible straightjacketing, and so on, but she's just thankful to be back. Bailey, though, has some extra rules. Izzie can only observe: she doesn't get to speak to patients, be alone with patients, perform procedures, go near the O.R., or even play with her hand puppets without hospital committee approval. So has have to shadow a different doctor every day til she re-earns trust. Her first shadowee? THE POMP.Right afterward, Meredith and Izzie literally run into Dr. Shepherd. The aforementioned "Nancy" is there too, and she's completely snotty and horrible. So it's not much surprise that she turns out to be SHEPHERD'S SISTER. Anyway Sister-Shepherd makes some condescending comments about Meredith and Addison, prompting Izzie to note that "McDreamy's sister is McBitchy." Haha!! I just LOVE that McHumor.
"I'm awful!"Burke is royally pissed at Cristina for accepting this Humpty-Dumpty surgery, since the surgery would be impossibly risky in light of his gimpy hand. He asks Cristina whether she's "up on the Humpty"—bravo, screenwriters—but she claims she's done all her research. At this point, Bailey comes up and asks Burke whether it's true that other doctors are questioning her judgment. He says people just like scandal and gossip, but his response is distant and distracted and not very comforting.Meredith's first patient is a young woman—seemingly the lovechild of Meredith Vieira and Punky Brewster—who burnt her hand while studying for the bar exam. But this girl is nervous and overexplaining the injury, which sets off Izzie's crazybitchdar. Sister-Shepherd, meanwhile, tells Shepherd she came to Seattle as an intervention, cause one of their other sisters heard about the incident of Meredith's panties up on the bulletin board. He's not in the mood to fill her in on his scandals and suggests she go back to the East Coast to tend to her OB-GYN patients. Great, so his ex-wife and sister are vag-lovers. Vaginas for everybody!Speaking of, George LOVES the two-uterus patient. Her fiancé tells some anecdote about how the first time he saw this girl he "knew she was ham." You know, cause when you have a plate of ham and eggs, the chicken merely contributed some embryos, whereas the pig's OWN FLESH is right there on the plate—i.e., the pig decided to COMMIT. Great story! Oh hey, here's another great story: Isaiah Washington walks into a bar with Barney Frank and George Allen...
"We're waspy!"Dr. Sloan gives Alex a bunch of menial tasks, like changing his license at the DMV and restocking his cuticle cream. Vajayjayjayjay girl's fiancé, meanwhile, is calming her kicking unborn baby by recounting Washington Redskins glory tales. Yep, that Jack Kent Cooke humor never fails to amuse. Observing this, Alex says that indeed he read a couple articles about how voice patterns can calm a baby.In our domestic-drama twist of the evening, Dr. Montgomery discovers that double-uterus-girl's babies were conceived six weeks apart. Apparently the couple broke up when the fiancé said he wanted to get married, so the girl went and dropped her drawers for some other guy. Oops! She apologizes profusely, but the fiancé, upset that his girl may in fact not be the finest quality ham, walks out.
"I'm acting!"Out in the hall, Dr. Webber is trying and failing to sew a button onto his last clean shirt. He asks Bailey and Montgomery to do it for him since, you know, they have vaginas. Bailey is offended, saying she has SURGICAL skills and NO OTHER SKILLS WHATSOEVER.Dr. Sloan examines bar-exam-girl's hand, and her burn is way deeper than it should be for a mere accident. When Sloan says they'll have her fixed up in time to take her exam, the girl freaks out. Izzie notices this—one would hope so, since the girl is an even more obvious liar than Dick Cheney—but Meredith, off in selfabsorptionland, doesn't notice a thing. When Izzie mentions what she saw, Meredith knocks her down and says Izzie's job is just to observe, not talk. But Izzie persists, reminding Meredith that their patient's health is at risk. Meredith replies kindly that it's HER patient, not their patient. I can't believe Izzie doesn't smack the bitch.When Bailey passes by the surgery board and sees that Burke has a Humpty-Dumpty procedure scheduled, she quickly writes her name in as the resident on the surgery because she's never seen that procedure firsthand. Cristina basically shits her pants, since the last thing she and Burke need in the O.R. is Bailey watching them like a hawk. George, meanwhile, tries to talk to Callie again by way of the failsafe ham/chicken anecdote. This fails to impress our favorite busty chicana, who thinks George is calling her a pig. She walks away.
"I'm smoldering!"Over lunchtime, the interns hide in a patient's room—some old guy who just sleeps all the time and allows them peace and quiet. Cristina, studying intently, gets pissed anytime Izzie or anyone else tries to strike up conversation. She gets exasperated, leaves the room, and then runs into the Humpty-Dumpty patient's wife, which stresses her out even more. In a panic, she runs over to the surgical board and erases Bailey's name from it. OOH. Uterus² girl, meanwhile, starts hyperventilating. (Seriously, it's hard to get through a day on Grey's Anatomy without some good hyperventilation.) She's freaking out about her fiancé's departure and is overacting mightily. At this point I realize she looks suspiciously like Ruthie from Real World: Hawaii. Cheers!At lunch, Sister-Shepherd gives Shepherd a hard time about Meredith. He gets defensive, saying Meredith is wonderful and smart and, best of all, has curves like a racetrack. Sister-Shepherd exhorts him to forgive Sloan: the man is just a cad, and practically every woman she knows has slept with him, UP TO AND INCLUDING BARBARA MIKULSKI.Meredith asks Cristina if she's mad at her or something, since she's been such a clammed-up bitch recently. Cristina says she has bigger things in her life right now and storms off yet again. At this point, Bailey walks by the surgical board and sees that her name has been erased. Of course she thinks that Burke did it because of doubts about her judgment post-Denny. This hits her very hard.Doublemint uterus girl's fiancé approaches George, who informs him that they're about to deliver one of her babies by C-section. Of course the first thing the guy asks is whether the baby being deilvered is his legitimate child or his fiancée's ILLEGITIMATE BASTARD CHILD. George rolls his eyes and exhorts the guy to be ham. Not eggs! This ham/eggs thing really is retarded. Dr. Seuss covered it fifty years ago. It's done.Dr. Sloan catches Alex doing research on uterus.com, prompting all sorts of mockery about how Alex claims to want a career in plastic surgery but instead is an OB-GYN at heart. Alex says he's sick of doing menial tasks for Sloan, but Sloan basically admits that Alex needs to kiss up if he wants any career favors. Boooooo Sloan!At this point, some poor nurse delivers what must be the worst-delivered line ever in this series, telling some other nurse named Tyler that "Addison Montgomery needs two units of B-postive blood in L&D. Stat!" I wish I had a video clip, but if you still have this episode on TiVo, go back and savor it. Great screenwriting and great delivery are a powerful combination indeed.Meredith assures bar-exam-burn-girl that she won't need skin grafts and can thus take her exam. The young woman asks how severe the burns would need to be in order to qualify for skin grafts. Meredith finally notices that this girl is probably, like, PRESIDENT OF HER LOCAL SELF-MUTILATION CLUB, and asks some more probing questions about how the girl burned herself in the first place. Finally unable to resist, Izzie butts in and asks point-blank whether the girl burned her hand on purpose. She says it's okay if she did—after all, all of us get JUST A LITTLE CRAZY from time to time—and the girl finally fesses up. She just can't face the prospect of failing the exam for a fifth time.We then move to the inevitable scene in which two dramatic surgeries are going on at the same time and we cut back and forth between them. Dr. Montgomery commands George to keep the baby in one uterus perfectly steady, because any motion while she's removing the other baby could tear the uterine wall. We see that Alex has ditched Sloan and scrubbed in on the C-section, since he's evidently dying to get his hands all up in some double-barreled uterus.In the other O.R., Dr. Burke and Cristina have Humpty-Dumpty's heart out of his chest. The procedure goes well: Cristina clearly has done her homework, as she's performing magnificently and basically running the whole surgery herself. Burke is impressed but does look a little annoyed also, since his ego is bigger than Dennis Hastert's waistline these days.Back in Dr. Montgomery's O.R., George's baby starts moving around, and he can't keep it still. Clearly wishing to calm the situation, Sister-Shepherd (who as an OB-GYN herself is watching the surgeryl) starts SHRIEKING about how OH MY GOD GEORGE IS SENDING THE BABY INTO DISTRESS. The situation threatens to turn into a crisis until Alex runs over and starts playing sports announcer and recounting in his best radio voice the story of George Foreman and Muhammad Ali's "Rumble in the Jungle" fight from 1974. So hetero. Anyway, Alex's voice calms the baby (just like he read in his article!), and the baby stops moving, enabling Dr. Montgomery to continue with the C-section.In his office, Dr. Webber has resorted to using his suturing tools to sew on his button but still can't manage it. Shepherd, impossibly rugged and masculine yet still sensitive and domestic, puts Webber out of his misery and sews the button on. These two old seamstresses then lament the sad states of their respective marriages. Shepherd whines that he has four sisters and no brothers, and that until all the adulterous fucking, his friend Sloan was the only brother he ever knew. Speaking of, Sloan kindly informs Alex that when he decided to scrub in on the uterus/uterus surgery, he essentially forfeited his career in plastics. Schwing!Bailey confronts Burke and asks why he erased her name from the surgical board, saying she didn't realize he was one of the doctors who had doubts about her abilities. Cristina overhears all this with horror. Though Burke initially denies losing faith in Bailey, he ultimately covers for Cristina and admits that he erased Bailey's name because he just couldn't use her in that procedure. Oof. Bailey says she understands but is hugely wounded.In the lounge, Sister-Shepherd tells Shepherd that the double uterus surgery was ever so fun: "Two uteruses, so unbelievably cool, and a cute baby to boot!" An annoying line, so annoyingly delivered, and by a brittle, snobby bitch to boot! She assures Shepherd she's leaving Seattle that day and exhorts him to take time off from dating—apparently he hasn't been single in years, which means he could benefit from some space so he can figure out what he wants. Though he resents her advice, Shepherd thanks her for coming out to visit.Meredith and Izzie, meanwhile, drag the crazy burn victim up to the psych ward for observation. Though the girl initially panics and tries to leave, Izzie calms her with some "treats" from her pill bottle and convinces her that she's not crazy, she just needs help. In a tender moment, Izzie clasps the girl's hand, and we realize that Izie has GIANT MAN HANDS.
"I'm damaged!"Coming out of the fog of anesthesia, Our Lady of the Two Uteri asks repeatedly what happened, whether her baby's okay, and where her fiancé is. It gets annoying as shit until finally on the third time around the fiancé shows up and asks how BOTH their babies are. So apparently he's up for adopting the poor bastard child. How generous!Sloan approaches Callie and says she looks like she could use some cheering up—and he'd be happy to offer his firm, tumescent cheering-up services anytime. She retorts that their wild monkey sex wasn't cheerful—it was dirty. But OOH, we see that Alex overhears this conversation, so now he knows Callie's been sleeping around. OOH.Then seemingly everyone in the cast kisses and makes up. In the stairwell, Shepherd assures Meredith that he wants things between them to work out, but he needs time to take some space. Webber approaches Izzie and compliments her for taking initiative and empathizing with the burn patient, even though she wasn't technically allowed to. And Callie tells George she's sorry she was rude to him and that she understands the importance of pigs, eggs, and ham. It's true love. Anyway, George has such a PROFOUND, SENSUAL effect on her that she needs him to stop chasing her until he's truly ready to catch her. HEY, why wasn't I invited to the APOLOGYFEST AT SGH TONIGHT.
"I'm fucked."And finally, Cristina sits in the locker room, looking totally miserable and panicked. Meredith tells her that whatever the problem is, she's there to talk about it whenever Cristina's ready. Cristina appreciates this. Later, as Cristina's writing something else on the surgery board out in the hall, Bailey walks by. At one point she sees Cristina erase something from the board, then suddenly puts it all together—that it was Cristina who erased her name. A look of angry disbelief crosses Bailey's face. And with that, the episode closes, with a final word of advice from voiceover-Meredith that we have to "choose our commitments very carefully."I thought this was a good episode—a great ending especially. I also like how Alex is all about birthing these days. But the show seems to be lapsing into formulaic territory. It's the same every week:

1. ten minutes of humorous banter
2. ten minutes presenting patients
3. fifteen minutes of moral/ethical handwringing regarding the patient's procedure and/or any domestic dramas that may be involved therewith
4. several tense moments spent cutting back and forth between two surgeries that are then interrupted by commercial to provide suspense about which patient(s) live(s)/die(s)
5. an indirect revelation of which patient(s) died and which one(s) lived
6. a tidy denoument that ties up loose ends or introduces new twists
7. and let's not forget the final musical montage.

Anyway, I still really enjoy the characters, but I hope the writers vary the formula a bit, because it's getting a little repetitive. Hopefully the next episode—the great outdoors masculine camping trip—will do so. Anyway, how'd we like it?

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