Wire Mondays: Season Four, Ep. 46, Know
Your Place

By Barry Maupin?Put that on your lap, fool,? Zenobia (Taylor King) tells Darnell when he tucks his napkin under his chin at Ruth?s Chris Steak House. ?You see anybody else up in here lookin? all Fred Flintstone and shit?? Darnell (Davone Cooper)[...]

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America's Next Top TVgasm Writer UPDATE!

Well, the latest submissions for Ugly Betty, Top Chef, and Jericho have been online for about a week now, and after nearly 10,000 cumulative views, we're ready to announce our finalists:

Ugly BettyTop ChefJerichoKelly
NicoleFlipit
NikkibotCristina
Gina

For the next step of the competition, the writers will all submit a recap of last week's episode of their respective shows. We'll post their submissions here on the site on Wednesday where you'll be able to read them and leave your feedback in the comments.In the meantime, we've now posted our Veronica Mars submissions in the forums. Be sure to check them out and vote for your favorites (we updated the polls to be a little more helpful to us).And thanks again to everyone who has submitted so far. Just because you didn't get picked as a finalist now doesn't mean we won't call on you later...

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Desperate Housewives: Children and Art

Filed under: Drama, Comedy, ABC, OpEd, Desperate Housewives

(S03E08) You know, right up to the end of this episode I thought there were some funny moments, and it was entertaining. However, it seemed clearly to be just a hamster-on-a-treadmill kind of episode, just providing a denouement after the high drama of last week. But, oh, how I was wrong.

First things first. Clearly, the witty bits about Mrs. McCluskey at the beginning of the episode were foreshadowing. Talk about a meddling neighbor; it's one thing to take down somebody's Christmas lights, but if I got somebody's cat neutered, it would start being my cat from the first ship. But clearly, Mrs. McCluskey has access to Mike's garage, so that is our first clue that when the police search Mike's house for the pipe wrench that killed Monique, they aren't going to find anything. And Mrs. McCluskey does love to blackmail people.

The question is: will she tell anybody about the dirty wrench she found? Nice bit of tension there. And what will be more dramatic? When she shows Mike the pictures of him and Susan that Edie cleared out, or when she tells someone about the toolbox?

Big big big to-do's about Lynette being grateful to new neighbor Art (who supposedly has a sister in a wheelchair who lives with him. Um, do you suppose that is a lie?). She goes so far as to have Art pretend to be a superhero. And boy, who would suspect that mild-mannered Art would be capable of saving someone's life with ice cream, let alone be Protector Man in disguise? Unfortunately, Lynette seems to have just handed Art a free pass to get more kids down to his creepy basement so he can take naked pictures of them. And she successfully created a world in which her kids view Art as irretrievably cool. I love the metaphor here about surfaces being deceptive until you get you get to know someone's depths (depth = basement, get it?).

Boring Susan confrontations with Julie-- was the whole point of that Hysterical Mom moment that Karl found out about Ian? Whatever. Julie and Austin are dating. Didn't see that coming, did you? Kidding! Blah blah blah, teen sex is only interesting if somebody gets knocked up or a disease.

One of our commenters said a few weeks ago that it seems so cllear that Mike wants off this show because the actor is so freaking wooden and poker-faced. Amen. Geez, the guy was in a coma; he didn't have so much plastic surgery that he can't move his face!

Speaking of plastic surgery, Gaby contacted her former agent and announced her return to the world of modeling. How does someone who did 36 magazine covers before she was 20 fail to realize that at age 30, she is washed up? But Gaby isn't always in touch with reality, now is she?

Finally, we see a darker side of Orson starting to emerge. He has stuffed his evil evil mother into a nursing home, and Bree, God Bless her everloving heart, decides to move Gloria Hodge in with them for a few weeks. Dixie Carter, formerly of Designing Women, (who recently spoke frankly on some entertainment show about her own many plastic surgeries) plays Orson's mother. She gets off a few great zingers like, "I should have smothered you in your crib when I had the chance." and "I gave you life. You know I won't hesitate to take it away."

But , as always, Andrew gets the best line and best delivery of the episode with, "So. Can we call her Grandma?"

Awesome. Finally, things are starting to heat up under Orson's feet so we will get to watch him dance.

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Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Global Grilling

Filed under: Comedy, OpEd, Animation, Adult Swim, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

(S04E07) Great episode! Shake is at it again, destroying the world and I loved every second of it. He and Meatwad decided they wanted to make a Mucus Man, which is essentially what it sounds like. A little guy made entirely out of snot. His mouth is a strip of bacon though. But once he's made, they have to harden him. Apparently that's what you do with a Mucus Man -- harden him. With what you ask? A grill. Duh.

Frylock's grill wasn't cutting it. He had an environmentally friendly George Washington grill. It was made entirely out of wood. So Shake went out and bought the new Char-Nobyl 6000. It's a radioactive grill. So once Shake turned it on, no one could really get near it. It melted the neighborhood, then a flood came, polar bears ate Meatwad, and then the Mucus Man came to life. He enslaved everyone and forced them to make more snot so he could make more Mucus Men. Oh, and they made Meatwad their king. Got all that? It was nuts, this episode was all over the place.

Tons of funny lines too. The tube-steak exchange between Carl and Meatwad was classic. Even better was when Shake started complaining that his Alton Brown saucepan melted. How else would he cook his balsamic reduction? Priceless stuff.

Anyone notice that quick scene in space? The grill's "patented flavor beam" blew up Emory and Oglethorpe's ship! I was really hoping we'd get a line or two from the Plutonians. Right after, we found out that Carl watches amateur porn his parents made. Eww.

What was with Shake and all the anti-Mexican comments though? That was random. I will admit that I laughed when he said they should find a Mexican to turn off the grill because "they'll do anything." Offensive stuff, but this show never seems to shy away from it.

In the end though, it was all a dream and the episode turned into a public service announcement. The message? Eat your boogers or else the Mucus Men will enslave us all. Good advice.

Favorite line?

Carl (to Shake): "I just came to see why my doorknob's covered in snot. And then I saw you. And I connected the two."

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Network Scorecard: "Studio 60" and "Brian" Get
Ful...

After weeks of industry-wide speculation, NBC has finally put the matter to bed and ordered the back nine episodes of struggling freshman drama Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, which had been dogged by (credible) rumors of cancellations.

But you can bet your bottom dollar that NBC didn't walk away from the bargaining table without an economic upside. Sources are reporting that NBC and studio Warner Bros. TV only came to a deal for Studio 60's full season order thanks to a lower license fee for the additional nine installments, at a price much lower than the $2.5-3 million they paid per episode of the original order. And NBC is mulling possibly moving the struggling series out of its Mondays at 10 pm timeslot as it explores other options.

The Peacock, which also ordered three additional scripts for struggling frosh series 30 Rock and Friday Night Lights, is expected to release its midseason lineup in the next few days.

Meanwhile, over at ABC, some good news for fans of sophomore drama What About Brian, which also received a full season pickup, bumping its episode count to 22 this season.

Not such good news at FOX, however, which has been struggling this season with an extremely uneven lineup. The network quickly pushed The Rich List onto the air, only to pull it after one episode and then tested The O.C. in a Wednesday night timeslot to extremely lukewarm results. Now FOX has benched two of its downwardly-mobile performers. Both Justice and Happy Hour have been pulled, effective immediately. Happy Hour, which had been seen to be on a, er, "permanent hiatus," will not be returning to FOX's schedule in any way, shape, or form. (Hardly surprising, seeing as most people weren't aware it was on the schedule in the first place.) As for drama Justice, FOX is being a little more coy, saying that the legal drama COULD pop up again on the schedule in January, typically a time of lineup shakeup for the net, thanks to the return of hits 24 and American Idol.

While I would have rather heard about a back nine pickup, drama Veronica Mars received some good news the other day as netlet CW ordered three additional scripts of the noir-tinged series. While it's a sign that the CW is open to continuing the series past the 13-episode mark (the third season of Veronica has only been picked up for 13 episodes so far), additional script orders do not always mean that episode orders will follow... nor does it mean that a particular series will make it to the full-season mark. Still, I can't imagine what else the CW has to air (other than midseason drama Hidden Palms and reality series Beauty and the Geek), considering that its ONLY new drama, Runaway, lasted less than a handful of episodes.

Fingers crossed that Veronica gets some much needed love and some additional episodes ordered soon; I'm still praying Dawn Ostroff comes to her senses and picks up the back nine ASAP. Fellow drama One Tree Hill also received an order of three additional scripts. The fate of that series, also in its third season, also remains up in the air... but I've heard rumblings that its timeslot is being targeted for the launch of newbie drama Hidden Palms, given the strength of timeslot lead-in America's Next Top Model.

Stay tuned.


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The Wire: Know Your Place

Filed under: Drama, HBO, OpEd, The Wire

(S04E09) "MIght as well dump 'em, get another." -- Proposition Joe

Herc's never been much of a detective, but here his incompetence, which is sometimes played for laughs, turns tragic. He's become so myopic trying to find a way out of his camera dilemma, that he smashes and bungles his way through a murder investigation. If he'd have talked to Carver, a cop who took the time to get to know the players, he would have picked up Little Kevin no problem. His word is no good. I don't think he was even conscious of what he was doing when he promised Bubbles protection. He was merely saying whatever he needed to say, fully intending to honor it, but then unwilling to do so when it became inexpedient later. Worse than that, now Randy is back on his radar. Without management or talent, what is left of the Major Crimes Unit is doing more damage than good.

Ironically, the word between from Prop Joe to Marlo is that Major Crimes is still a crack team. Marlo dumps all his cell phones, with no idea that the unit responsible for breaking the Barksdale clan is an empty shell now.

Things are going better at Tillman Middle, at least until teaching the standard's test questions becomes the priority. Mr. Prezbo's classroom was energized, and Prez and the kids look happy and useful. Maybe he's too successful, as Prez's frustration might get him burned. Bunny's program is making progress too, but rewarding some of the kids with dinner in an upscale restaurant makes them feel self-conscious. It's poignant seeing that thin veneer of confident stripped away so suddenly.

Omar gives his word to Bunk that he won't commit any killings in revenge for Marlo's attempt at framing him. He also says he can't leave Baltimore because that's all he knows, and a man's got "to stick with what he knows." We'll see if he makes it through this. Surely Marlo's not going to drop the matter, as Old Face Andre, who also sticks to what he knows, running across town to east Baltimore, finds out. If Major Crimes can't handle Marlo, maybe he can be got at through Homicide, now that Omar is looking for nonlethal revenge, and Buck would listen to Omar.

Carecetti is already looking at the governorship. Well, he works fast. He promoted Daniels to colonel last week, which isn't the last promotion he wants to give Daniels. In another irony, Daniels has career is soaring just when he stopped playing the game. Of course, if you're telling the truth you need someone willing to listen to the truth, and Carcetti is such a person.

Michael feels he's only got one option to get his stepfather away from the household, and that unfortunately leads him right to Marlo, who, in his world, is one of the few people able to get things done.

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Dexter: Circle of Friends

Filed under: Drama, Showtime, Premium Cable, OpEd, Dexter

(S01E07) OK, so here goes. It's not that I disliked this episode. It just got me very frustrated... angry actually. This is a such a smart, intelligent show and I'd like to think it's attracting viewers of the same caliber. So why go and and have an episode such as this one where anyone with half a brain could see right through it? Every other fan of Dexter has to know what I'm referring to.

From the very second they suggested it, there was never a second where you were going to get me to believe that Neil Perry was the Ice Truck Killer. If they answered that question at the half-way point of the season? I'm not sure I'd be too excited for the rest of the season then. The entire time I was waiting for the one moment where Neil and Dexter come face to face and Neil has no idea who he's looking at. We got it as the final scene of the episode. But c'mon... you knew that was coming. This was just filler and ultimately all it sets up is the scenario that Dexter has wanted anyway. He now has the freedom to hunt the Ice Truck Killer on his own because as far as LaGuerta and Co. are concerned, they got their man.

Of course, there are still plenty of questions. If Perry isn't the ITK, then how did he know about the methods used to kill all the prostitutes? He had photos and newspaper clippings of all the crime scenes. He even killed his mother, cut off her feet, and buried her in the backyard. He fits the bill, but there's no reason why it can't all be coincidence. Copy-cat killer? Maybe. Or perhaps he actually knows the real ITK, is being set-up, but rolls with it because he simply likes the attention. There are dozens of scenarios (and I'd love to hear what everyone else thinks), but it still boils down to one simple fact: he had no idea who Dexter was and the ITK definitely knows who Dexter is.

LaGuerta had a lot going on in this episode and she finally got what she had coming. She still rides Deb hard and it's starting to get old. She's clearly intimidated, especially since Matthews seems to be constantly praising Deb while at the same time scolding her. It just seems like LaGuerta goes out of her way to get at Deb. She put Angel in charge of the task force when it was clearly Deb's find and then she cut off Deb during the profile meeting. But as I said, the lieutenant got her due. She lives for the press conferences and loves taking the credit. But Matthews left her out of this one and took all the credit for Neil Perry. He's a bit of a slime-ball too but I liked this move.

I'm starting to enjoy Rita's story a bit more since her ex (Paul) is back. I love the interactions between him and Dexter. It's a safe bet that Dex will end up killing him, but will it be for a legit reason? If he starts beating Rita again, he's done. But will Dexter actually compromise his ethics and kill Paul simply because it will make Rita happy if he's gone? I'm not so sure.

I think it's starting to be clearer that Doakes has a bit of a thing for Deb. But now he needs to deal with Deb's romance with that prosthetics doctor. Those two seem like an odd match. Something is off about the doctor. I'm not sure what though.

Lastly, I wanted to talk about Dexter's relationship with Jeremy Downs. Did anyone else find it odd that Dexter found a connection with this kid? I thought they were completely different. They share that same empty feeling but I don't see much beyond that. You can make the argument that it's because Jeremy didn't have someone like Harry to guide him, but the fact remains that he killed in cold blood. I was surprised that Dexter seemed to be willing to cut the kid some slack because he saw himself in him. Didn't feel right to me.

The best scene in the episode happened early on though. The one between Dexter and Rita, when they were on her couch? I loved that exchange. Dexter kept trying to convince her that he had a dark side. Rita said he didn't hurt people. His response, after a long pause? Innocent people. I'll be curious to see how his motives and ethics change as he hunts the ITK on his own now.

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Maher's quotes about gay Republicans cut from
Larry King interview - VIDEO

Filed under: Comedy, News, Celebrities

Maher made a couple remarks alleging that Republican Ken Mehlman was gay during his interview with Larry King on CNN Wednesday night. However, those of us who don't live on the East coast never heard these remarks because they were edited out of the later time zones. When Maher said that the Republican Party was being run by "hypocritical gays," King asked for specifics, and Maher mentioned Mehlman, who resigned on Friday not because of the exchange between King and Maher, but because of the recent midterm election victory of the Democrats. The exchange was also edited out of later broadcasts. Maher said during the interview that he wasn't the first person to "out" Mehlman as a homosexual, because he would have been sued if he had. The clip of the exchange can be seen after the jump.

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Captain Mustache: the return - VIDEO

Filed under: Comedy, Adult Swim, Celebrities

Back in August I posted a clip of Brendon Small, creator of Home Movies and Metalocalypse, performing a stand-up routine as a mumbling character called Captain Mustache. Home Movies ranks as one of my favorite shows of all time, and Metalocalypse holds a special place in my dark, twisted heart for its over-the-top depiction of the raw brutality of heavy metal. Small has a knack for divining humor out of what seems like thin air, and I'm both entertained and made insanely jealous by his talent. The same YouTube user who posted the original Captain Mustache video has posted another one, and you can watch it after the jump. This time the Captain even sings and plays the piano, giving a whole new dimension to Toto's "Africa" that just might make you weep at its brilliance.

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Rodney Rothman talks about Help Me Help You

Filed under: Comedy, ABC, Web, Celebrities

I had no idea that Rodney Rothman was an executive producer on ABC's comedy Help Me Help You. Rothman is not only the author of a very entertaining book, Early Bird, about his experiences "retiring" early to Florida, but he was also a writer and producer for such shows as The Late Show With David Letterman, Committed, and Undeclared. He talked to The Futon Critic about the new show, why he'd like to do a comedy version of The Wire (one of his favorite shows), and his experiences working with Letterman:

"It was a really fun job. That show has a lot of clout in New York so you didn't hear the answer 'no' a lot when you worked for that show. Like if your idea involved dropping Jimmy Walker from the ceiling on cables or it involved Steve Martin or it involved building a giant puzzle on 53rd Street with a picture of the trumpet player from the band, it was very... I just don't remember things I've since heard all the time like "we don't have the money to throw the camera in a bathtub full of pudding." [Laughs.] "We can't get Art Garfunkel to come shoot free throws on 53rd Street." The word "no" kind of didn't exist back then which was fun. And just the volume of that show, it's just exhilarating. Working on a variety show can be like, the rush of it is so consistent that honestly after I left it took me six months to kind of kick it. And yeah, we got to do lots of weird things. Like when I was head writer, one of the things I look back upon most fondly was this thing we did where me and these writers, Carter and Craig, who now run "How I Met Your Mother," and [some of the other writers] we'd invent these fake pieces of entertainment and present them on our show as real and never tell the audience they were fake. And it started off as musicals, we'd put them on the slot normally reserved for musical performances and we'd make a CD for them and Dave would introduce the cast of the musical "One Small Step" and then we'd present this fairly deadpan musical about the lunar landing. And it had people in astronaut suits as part of this three part song, their wives smoking cigarettes at home, the guys in mission control, and Paul Schaffer would write this amazing music. And we would just present it to the audience and never ever tell them we were joking."

Rothman got a job on Letterman's show after sending in a submission to a new writer talent search the show was doing with college students. He went in for a meeting, got the job, and relates a funny story about how Letterman asked him what stuff he was working on at MTV, and Rothman wasn't sure if Letterman really wanted to know or if it was a test to see if he'd talk about other shows.

He also talks about the fake band Fresh Step, which I remember. They somehow become popular and real. Their hit was "Don't Talk To The Hand Girl, Talk To The Heart."

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