Dancing with the Stars: ONE! Hundreth Episode of
Dancing, Drama and D-Listers!

Ladies and Gentlemen... Dancing with the Stars celebrates it's 100th epidsode!!! Let the trumpets sound! Let the crowds cheer! Poets will speak of this day in years to come... or just Paula Abdul - who says "Happy 100th Episode, Dancing with the Stars (awkward pause) - the most amazing show---" And they cut her off!!! HAHAHAHA! What fucking retarded thing must she have said?! GOD I wish THAT walking pill dumpster was on this show!

Tom and Useless Samantha welcome us to the big "100th Celebration"! Useless Samantha looks gorgeous tonight. But you know she's gonna ruin it by opening her mouth. Maybe we could celebrate tonight by making her eat 100 marshmallows and forcing her to do interviews that way. At least they'd be more interesting. Until she choked. Then it would be FANTASTIC!

We kick off the night with a dance number by all the professional dancers. It's FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!! I wish every episode could start off with this! Hot dancers, hot moves and...

Holy shit! Edyta jumps straight through the air, gets ally-ooped by Jonathon and goes into a spin move with another dancer!

And then for the big finale...

The guys all slide through the girls' legs! The sexual suggestions are stunning tonight!

Tom and Useless Samantha then review some of last night's highlights. Mario did a great job with ballroom dancing and goes on to say how much he loved it. However the judges NAILED him for his Jive. Chubbers tried her best but Len complained he wanted it to be "dirtier". To which she is confused by. Don't be sweetheart - I'm guessing Len's the kind of guy that would like you to give him a lap dance while you're eating a turkey leg. Yeah - THAT kind.

Kristi and Mark did a fab job with ballroom but Carrie crucified them for the first time ever over their Samba. Kristi didn't get it - especially because she thought her dress was fantastic. If anyone saw last night's show - you'd know her perspective is clearly off. She looked like an f'in rooster gone vegas-style.

Jason kicked ass with the ballroom but his Samba got slammed as hard as Kristi's was. Meanwhile Cristian de la Bionic Arm and Cheryl came along and swept the night!

They celebrate by discussing how Cheryl should cup his balls later that night.

Tom welcomes us back from commercial with a big hoorah from the audience in regards to it being their 100th episode. We then go backstage with Useless Samantha (Debbie Downer) who reminds the final 5 someone's going home tonight. She then goes on to ask Jason (word for word) "At this point in the cont-position is it (his ranking) really a good place to be?" She combined the words "Contest", "Competition" and "Position". Congratulations Useless Samantha on creating your own retarded language.

Useless Samantha then asks Cristian about being the new leader and he says "I'd like to thank Kristi for letting Jason be on top last week and me on top this week". WHAT?!!? LOVE IT! I always knew Kristi was a bottom. Best part - Tom responds with a "I won't touch it" regarding Cristian's comment. Kudos to Tom for at least calling it out!

BTW - Doesn't Cristian's arm look like he mixed up a big pot of gay with it?! Or maybe he just used one of the legs of Cher's pantyhose.

Up next, our guest performer Rascal Flats with dancers Apolo Anton and Julianne Hough! Umm - I totally know squat about Rascal Flats. They seem nice. Good country song. My only comment would be:

The lead singer looks like John Goodman if he were a lesbian.

This shot also made me laugh hysterical - they did a split screen at the end:

"Hey Mr. Rascal Flats - what face would you be making if you had Julianne in this position? Mmm hmm. Thought so."

Anyways, Apolo does a great job dancing - looks like he can keep his trophy. Also, in celebration of the 100th episode, we see some stars and their favorite moments. Lisa Rinna picks the moment when Kelly Monaco had a "wardrobe malfunction":

I guess her dress snapped off and her boobs almost popped out. Personally I thought the problem here was the horrific crotch shot they caught. Either way - had I been watching this the first time it happened I would've split a lip laughing.

Tom then interviews some of the show's previous stars and we end up with Lisa again.

Who laughs like a psycho, calls herself a freak and lets us know she teaches cardio-ballroom with Louis. Can we say most entertaining train wreck ever?! Sign me up. (PS - I've also heard her upper lip teaches its own lifting class.)

The ex-star line up is actually quite depressing. Each star tells Tom how the show helped them with getting work. God - it's like DWTS is it's own celebrity rehab. Joey Fatone is now a taste-tester for Ben and Jerry's - but worries Chubbers will replace him after this season. He obviously still believes in heavily promoting himself as well:

We really didn't need that to know it was you from behind. You'll always be the Fat-one to us, Joey.

Tom then reviews the leader board: Chubbers is in 5th, Jason in 4th, Mario in 3rd, Kristi in 2nd:

"Say I PERFECT dansah or I choke you SO HARD!"

And Cristian de la Bionic Arm on top of spaghetti all covered with cheese.

Up next, Mario Lopez performs with the cast of "A Chorus Line". It's great - blah blah blah we'll all seen this number a billion times. HOWEVER - the real drama is that apparently (as reported on several sites) Mario threw a hissy fit that he wanted to show off his biceps in the broadway show so he CHANGED the iconic costume of "Zach" (the role he plays) to show them off. AND, he asked that Nick Adams, the "choreographer" in the cast, wear a hoodie, instead of just a tank top, because he has BIGGER biceps! WHAT?!!? Alright - let's settle this once and for all:

Ok. Ummm... well ummm... Hey look - Mario's playing with his stool! Ew!

Aaaand we're back with Rascal Flats! They're singing "Life is a Highway." And Mel B and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are dancing along with them. Honestly - it was OK. Nothing too special. I was kind of hoping for a little more craziness - but it was just "eh". Although there was one part where Scary Spice did splits across the floor 3 times in a row:

Kinky Spice! Watch it Mel! Get any closer and that floor's gonna ask for a paternity test in 9 months!

Afterwards, Drew Lachey shares with us his favorite moment - Marie Osmond fainting:

I haven't seen a fat chick stop, drop and roll like that since Chubbers thought she was on fire.

We then see a segment about what past stars inspire this season's current stars. Kristi is inspired by Joey Fatone because of his showmanship. He's also the first person she's seen swallow a whole ham and his career in one gulp. Chubbers loves Mel B and wants to capture her fierceness. Jason applauds Emmet Smith on making dance "cool". And Cristian de la Tacos loves Helio because he's Latin as well. WHO SAW THAT ONE COMING?! Ay Dios Mio!

Tom then reveals 2 couples who are definitely returning for the semi-finals. First it's... CHUBBERS and Tony!!! OMFG! And Kristi and Mark!!

Back in the green room, Chubbers explodes sunshine and happiness all over Useless Samantha's beautiful gown. The best is Karina's expression after this is announced:

"OH HELL NO DID THAT HIPPO MAKE IT AND I'M STILL IN JEOPARDY."

And the next couple dancing in the semi-finals is... Cristian and Cheryl! WOW. I definitely did not see that coming. How the fuck are they gonna keep dancing?! Can't wait to see that train wreck next week!

And now - the couple going home is... Mario and Karina! WOW! REALLY didn't see that coming! He was really just starting to bring his A game! Maybe America doesn't dig Karina's pouty/pissy face all of the time.

Mario thanks Len for the constructive criticism and goes on to say that it's not he who's the hero (I don't quite remember anyone calling him one - but ok) it's the men and women serving overseas. Doh! Mario! Don't you know anything about PR?! You need to fit comments like that in BEFORE you get voted off! And don't forget to thank God and wave a flag while you're doing it! Geez.

So that's it. Mario and Karina have their last dance to what might be the most inappropriate last song this season - "I Will Survive". Not because of the title - but right after they get booted off you hear the lyrics:

"Go on now go! Walk out the door! Just turn around now - cause you're not welcome anymore!" WTF!? RUDE!

So that's it! The 100th episode! What did everyone think?! Was Mario booted before his prime?! Whose biceps where bigger: Mario's, Adam's or Mel B's?! And most importantly - shouldn't Lisa Rinna co-host next year and be this show's Paula Abdul!?!?!?!? DISH IT!

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Legs McNeil, PLEASE KILL ME, THE OTHER HOLLYWOOD
author: Mr. Media Audio Interview

When Spin magazine started, its staff included two fascinating characters. First was Bob Guccione, Jr., the magazine?s founder and namesake son of the publisher of Penthouse.And then there was Spin?s senior editor, Legs McNeil.Legs McNeil!?!What the hell[...]

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Big changes afoot on Weeds

Filed under: Programming, Pickups and Renewals, Weeds, Reality-Free

The New York Post has gotten some dirt on big changes for the next season of Weeds. Season four is going to have some major overhauls.

The show is about a suburban housewife played by Mary-Louise Parker who has to sell marijuana in order to make ends meet after her husband unexpectedly passes away. It's known for having the song "Little Boxes" played in the intro.

Except that it won't anymore. Gone will be the intro song and the location of the show will change to a rundown seaside California town near the Mexican border. This should come as no surprise to regular viewers since the fictional community they lived in burned down at the end of season three.

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Number Crunching: This Week's TV Ratings

• My miserable finale ratings. It may be a good thing that Scrubs is probably coming back on ABC this Fall, because its fairytale-themed NBC finale had ratings that were anything but storybook, with just under 5.4 million viewers.
• Not much to idolize. American Idol continued its steady decline this week, dipping to 21.3 million viewers for Tuesday's performance show. Wednesday's results show did a bit better, with 22.4 million people tuning in.
• Desperate no more. Desperate Housewives was once ABC's top-rated show ? and it may be again. This week, the show drew 16.6 million viewers, topping Grey's Anatomy, which pulled in a million fewer people.
• Needing a house call? House has been ailing a bit in its Monday night timeslot since the strike. The show's latest installment got just 13.3 million viewers, a season low.
• Survivor is champ again. This season of Survivor, which I've heard has been pretty exciting, has been easily dominating its timeslot for a while now. This week's installment got about 12 million viewers, 4 million more than its closest competitor, Ugly Betty.

Photo courtesy of NBC

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The Inn is in, but Kelsey & Patty are dumped

Filed under: Cancellations, Pickups and Renewals, Reality-Free

Fox has made the call, and it's a big "see ya later" for Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton. But their loss is someone else's gain. The pilot for the Jason Bateman directed comedy series The Inn has been picked up for a 13-week commitment, while Back to You has been axed. The Brad Garrett-Joely Fisher sitcom, Til Death, meanwhile, has been given another year.

Bateman, who starred in Arrested Development -- the Emmy-award winning comedy that the network dumped unceremoniously because of low ratings -- was behind the camera for The Inn pilot. The show, which is about the haves and have-nots in a fancy, five-star New York City hotel, has a promising cast of funny folks including Niecy Nash (Reno 911!), Jerry O'Connell (who looks like Jason's twin), and the really hilarious Jesse Tyler Ferguson (remember him on The Class -- he was so funny!).

Gallery: Back to You + Til Death

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Saturday Morning: Speed Racer - VIDEOS

Filed under: Video, Animation, Children, Retro Squad, Reality-Free, Saturday Morning

"Here he comes, here comes Speed Racer. He's a demon on wheels." -- The beginning lyrics to the theme song of Speed Racer.

In this week's installment of 'Saturday Morning' we take a break from our regularly scheduled coverage to talk about a cartoon near and dear to many readers' hearts. A cartoon that, while not the first anime to reach the shores of America of the 60s, it was certainly the most influential.

Even though it was never part on any official network schedule, Speed Racer was on somewhere at sometime during the era of Saturday morning cartoons. And, why wouldn't it be? It had everything that a child hopped up on sugar-coated, chocolate-filled cereal could want: action, drama, comedy, mysterious heroes, villains, gadgets, cars, and a boy and his chimp. It also featured animated characters with more natural characteristics than those previously seen on American television. Plus, it had a kick-ass theme song that dug into your brain.

Much has been written on the history of Speed Racer since it premiered over four decades ago. However, with the new Speed Racer live-action film now in theaters, it's a good time to revisit the origins of Speed, Trixie, Pops, Racer X, and the rest of the players. So, if you have your Mach 5 model kit in front of you, let's Go, Go, Go!

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Saturday Morning: Speed Racer -- VIDEOS

Filed under: Animation, Children, Retro Squad, Reality-Free, Saturday Morning

"Here he comes, here comes Speed Racer. He's a demon on wheels." -- The beginning lyrics to the theme song of Speed Racer.

In this week's installment of 'Saturday Morning' we take a break from our regularly scheduled coverage to talk about a cartoon near and dear to many readers' hearts. A cartoon that, while not the first anime to reach the shores of America of the 60s, it was certainly the most influential.

Even though it was never part on any official network schedule, Speed Racer was on somewhere at sometime during the era of Saturday morning cartoons. And, why wouldn't it be? It had everything that a child hopped up on sugar-coated, chocolate-filled cereal could want: action, drama, comedy, mysterious heroes, villains, gadgets, cars, and a boy and his chimp. It also featured animated characters with more natural characteristics than those previously seen on American television. Plus, it had a kick-ass theme song that dug into your brain.

Much has been written on the history of Speed Racer since it premiered over four decades ago. However, with the new Speed Racer live-action film now in theaters, it's a good time to revisit the origins of Speed, Trixie, Pops, Racer X, and the rest of the players. So, if you have your Mach 5 model kit in front of you, let's Go, Go, Go!

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Sweet Sixteen / Wedding Day

On Hell's Kitchen:

Sweet sixteen party
Matt saves himself and will now
Drag down the women

On Top Chef:

Stay awake for days
Dale complains and then Richard
gives his prize to Steph!

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Numb3rs: Pay to Play - VIDEO

Filed under: OpEd, Video, Numb3rs, Episode Reviews, Reality-Free

(S04E17) "I think if these were Travis Tritt fans, I might have better luck." - Colby

Sometimes I just don't know what they're thinking when they come up with stories for this show. Call me crazy, but the notion of a small rap label feud just doesn't strike me as something that the FBI is going to handle. And I do mean small. Besides the fact that the only real purpose that the case served was to play up the humorous stereotypes and clichés it created (like the scene with Larry and Charlie in the recording studio), I don't think it felt realistic. The music industry is far larger than the microcosm depicted in this episode and writers just hand-picked elements for this small, almost indie, rap label. I mean, c'mon - "2x4?" Really?

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Numb3rs: Pay to Play

Filed under: OpEd, Numb3rs, Episode Reviews, Reality-Free

(S04E17) "I think if these were Travis Tritt fans, I might have better luck." - Colby

Sometimes I just don't know what they're thinking when they come up with stories for this show. Call me crazy, but the notion of a small rap label feud just doesn't strike me as something that the FBI is going to handle. And I do mean small. Besides the fact that the only real purpose that the case served was to play up the humorous stereotypes and clichés it created (like the scene with Larry and Charlie in the recording studio), I don't think it felt realistic. The music industry is far larger than the microcosm depicted in this episode and writers just hand-picked elements for this small, almost indie, rap label. I mean, c'mon - "2x4?" Really?

Continue reading Numb3rs: Pay to Play

 

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