Why wait Get Venture Bros. commentary now!

Filed under: OpEd, Animation, Adult Swim, Reality-Free

Once again proving that I will listen to any nonsense Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer spit, I fought crippling 3AM sleepiness just to get through this commentary (hidden under the "Extras" buttons) for the latest Venture Bros. episode, "The Buddy System". That's right, no need to wait for the Season Three DVD to come out, because you can learn about Doc and Jackson's thoughts on above ground pools right now. Best of all, it's video, so we feel the full impact of their wildly off-topic conversations and also get to admire how these two look more like rock stars than the minds behind Metalocalypse. Compared to their DVD commentaries, though, they managed to offer quite a bit of episode-specific information.

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Man From Atlantis season one episode reviews

Download the theme music.

Episode 1. "Man From Atlantis" A very enjoyable pilot which can be divided, very easily, into three sections/chapters. Chapter 1 tells of the discovery of water-breathing amnesiac Mark Harris and the attempts of Dr. Elizabeth Merrill (the utterly gorgeous Belinda J. Montgomery) to understand his powers and help him recover his memory. All of this is fascinating to watch. Harris washes ashore during a storm and Merrill's surgeon boyfriend is called away from a dinner party. Merrill tags along and - given her background - quickly figures out that Harris breathes water and need to be returned there. There's a great urgency and excitement to all of these scenes.

Chapter 2 brings the military into the equation as they attempt to bully Harris into doing their bidding. These scenes are hampered by a weak actor, but they work well enough. Harris still hasn't spoken to anyone, and the audience genuinely feels for the guy. And for Dr. Merrill who only wants the best for her patient/subject. In once scene, Harris fights off a large number of military personnel trying to stup him re-entering the sea. At first he flings them off in twos and threes, but - eventually - the sheer number of them brings him down. And it is a very distressing scene to watch.

Chapter 3, the final hour of the pilot, is where things finally come to life in a major way. Harris undertakes his first mission and comes face to face with the nemesis that will dog him for the remainder of the series: Mr. Shubert. Victor Buono is simply superb as the bad guy. He is over the top, larger than life, and a total joy to watch. Patrick Duffy is a superb lead actor, and a great super-hero as Mark Harris. That said, his Mark Harris is a glum individual. He doesn't speak much (when he eventually starts to talk) and he doesn't have a sense of humour or much in the way of charisma or personality. Most of the last hour of the show pairs him with the egomanicial Mr. Shubert. And it's a great double act.

Other than that, there's little to say. The pilot fairly zips along. The score is sumptuous. The production values are high (witness the FX, or the destruction of the undersea complex) and while the show is very much "comic book" in content, it is "Drama Series" in tone. I last saw this pilot 13 years ago. It wowed me as a kid, it wowed me 13 years ago, and it wowed me tonight. It's great fun from start to finish.

And, strangely, I'm just as smitten with Dr. Merrill as I was when I was 8. Seems like my tastes haven't changed since I was 8.

Hmm....

Episode 2. "The Death Scouts" is a curious mixture of things that work very well, and things that really don't work at all. It's a fast-moving plot-driven sci-fi adventure, but it sacrifices characterisation, clarity and (in the final scene) logic. While the opener was slow and thoughtful at first, gradually building momentum as time went on, the second two-hour movie hits the ground running and never lets up. Three holiday-makers are killed in a genuinely shocking opening scene, we learn that Dr. Merill has left the Navy and taken Mark Harris with her to a government-funded Foundation for Oceanic Research, but when word reaches her of the peculiarities surrounding the three deaths, she grabs Mark and they head out to investigate. Back at the Foundation, Merrill's co-worker unearths a strange rock from the sea-floor and, out in the nearby communtity, two unearthly people have come ashore and are having strange encounters with the locals. While at the morgue, Dr. Merrill and Mark hear of the strange twosome and spearhead a search. Before long, Mark has found them, battled them and found them to be just like him in a number of ways. Could this be the answer to his questions about himself?

Whew! And that's just the first third! It goes on like that, zipping along and being very enjoyable. Unfortunately, the character-work on the mysterious amnesiac Mark Harris, which was done in the pilot, has been abandoned and now he's just a strong silent hero. As such, it must be said, he gets some cool scenes. His second battle with the aliens takes place underwater and shows him to be a truly formidable opponent. Later on, when they have taken control of the Foundation's submarine, Mark calmly steps up and disarms them. Using brain, as well as brawn, in a truly awesome moment of super-hero coolness.

The aliens themselves are interesting and well cast (Tiffany Bolling and Burr DeBenning who I've alway liked), but it's not exactly clear what their plans are. They come ashore, wander aimlessly, complain a lot about being hungry, talk about things they intend to do but, after a few encounters with Mark, they basically give up on all of that and push the self-destruct button on their ship (I think). It doesn't help that one of them tells Mark a lot of lies to enlist his aid. Was it all lies? Was some of it true? Which parts? How are we to know?

The movie's final Big Scene is a supposedly emotional death scene where the female alien and Mark appear to have developed strong feelings for one another. How? When? There's even a god-awful moment where he gives her a kiss, so that she will know the sensation of one before she dies. Huh? Isn't Mark supposed to be The Innocent? How does he know these things? Hasn't he got amnesia? Wasn't the whole reason for him staying at the end of the pilot so that he could learn about the surface world? How did he learn so much so soon? (He must have had a busy couple of weeks, lucky bugger.)

In short, despite weaker elements, I liked it. Mark is an awesome hero, and when he goes into action (with that superb theme music playing in the background) it sets the pulse racing.

Episode 3. "Killer Spores" is the least enjoyable of the movies that started the series. The first third details what happens when a small space probe crashes to the sea-bed with a colony of alien spores attached. Mark Harris is sent to investigate and is soon posessed by the aliens. However, since Duffy plays Harris with emotionless monotone, it can be hard to tell when the character is possessed and when he is just being his usual boring self.

The middle third is the best part of the movie. The aliens take Mark out into the desert (for no reason explained adequately in the script). Thing is, since Mark is from the sea he needs to go back to the water every few hours or he will die. The car chase that starts this segment, the chase through the desert and the rescue by helicopter are all very exciting.

The final third, however, is awful. The alien spores escape out into the world and start 'testing' random humans so that they can 'understand' the human condiditon. Or something. What we get are lots and lots of scenes of lots and lots of extras laughing, crying, whistling, throwing stuff around and other embarrassing nonsense. Very hard to watch.

Episode 4. "The Disappearances" While this is the strongest - by far - of the sequels to Man From Atlantis, this is also the movie that drives home just how many problems the writers were apparently having with the concept of the series.

Movies 2 and 3 both feature Aliens. From outer space. Who, ah, take over the bodies of humans. The aliens in Movie 2 inhabit the bodies of guest starts, while the aliens in Movie 3 turn the regular cast into puppets. But, essentially, it is the same idea in both movies.

Movie 4 goes all the way back to Movie 1 for inspiration. Both are about megalomaniacs. Who live in vast undersea complexes. Who, ah, are kidnapping scientists from the surface world! And while Darleen Carr isn't quite as good as Victor Buono in the role, it must be said that she is superb. And it is refreshing to see a very slight, very pretty, young woman playing the mastermind behind the shenanigans. Carr is cast against type and she is wonderful. It's a pity the script is so dopey.

Regular character Dr. Merrill is kidnapped at the start of this movie and forced to help work the undersea complex. Her kidnapping makes sense, I suppose, in context of the regular kidnappings that befall scientists in the world of MFA. Once in the undersea lair, Merrill is brainwashed by a spa (!!) and cheerfully chips in.

Mark Harris, meanwhile, and the team from the Foundation for Oceanic Research (or something) search for her. At one point, they get information from an FBI agent, deduce what it means and immediately set out (unarmed) to find Dr. Merrill. It never orrurs to any of them to contact the FBI which would, of course, have prevented their own kidnappings later in the movie. Idiots.

Mark Harris comes off quite badly in this movie. Indeed, he only really came off as cool and interesting in the second movie. For most of this movie he is silent, dour and - given his background - a liability to the success of the Good Guy's mission. Since the writers have given him such a cool background, it's a pity they have no idea how to use it. On shows like Six Million Dollar Man or Incredible Hulk the viewers were always treated to cool stuff that the hero could do. No so here. Mark gets beaten up quickly (and easily) by the kidnappers of Dr. Merrill and left to die in a tool shed. "Die" because he needs to get back to the water "every four hours". This achillies heel was a large part of Movie 3 also, when the aliens took Mark to the desert. Here he faces death because he has been locked in a tool shed. Even worse, he totally fails to do anything cool to get out. He just lies there gasping for ages until he is found quite by chance. What were the writers thinking? What's cool about that?

The rest of the time it is Dr. Simon who deduces everything and leads the way towards rescue. Kenneth Tigar is excellent in this role but he was written out of the regular series.

Man From Atlantis, unlike contemporaries like Wonder Woman or Logan's Run, tends to tell it's stories in simplistic manner. Coming ashore at the exact spot where Dr. Merrill was taken (!), Mark is able to walk from the water, up the beach, into a deserted hut and - immediately - find the hidden button to the secret eleavator to the undersea complex!! Later on, when he is putting an end to the evil plot Mark is able to find exactly the right pipe to sabotage in a room of hundreds. This kind of ropey thinking in very disappointing.

Read The Full Article:
http://yetanothertvreviewpodcast.blogspot.com/2008/07/man-from-atlantis-episode-r
eviews.html

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Man From Atlantis episode reviews

Download the theme music.

Episode 1. "Man From Atlantis" A very enjoyable pilot which can be divided, very easily, into three sections/chapters. Chapter 1 tells of the discovery of water-breathing amnesiac Mark Harris and the attempts of Dr. Elizabeth Merrill (the utterly gorgeous Belinda Montgomery) to understand his powers and help him recover his memory. All of this is fascinating to watch. Harris washes ashore during a storm and Merrill's surgeon boyfriend is called away from a dinner party. Merrill tags along and - given her background - quickly figures out that Harris breathes water and need to be returned there. There's a great urgency and excitement to all of these scenes.

Chapter 2 brings the military into the equation as they attempt to bully Harris into doing their bidding. These scenes are hampered by a weak actor, but they work well enough. Harris still hasn't spoken to anyone, and the audience genuinely feels for the guy. And for Dr. Merrill who only wants the best for her patient/subject. In once scene, Harris fights off a large number of military personnel trying to stup him re-entering the sea. At first he flings them off in twos and threes, but - eventually - the sheer number of them brings him down. And it is a very distressing scene to watch.

Chapter 3, the final hour of the pilot, is where things finally come to life in a major way. Harris undertakes his first mission and comes face to face with the nemesis that will dog him for the remainder of the series: Mr. Shubert. Victor Buono is simply superb as the bad guy. He is over the top, larger than life, and a total joy to watch. Patrick Duffy is a superb lead actor, and a great super-hero as Mark Harris. That said, his Mark Harris is a glum individual. He doesn't speak much (when he eventually starts to talk) and he doesn't have a sense of humour or much in the way of charisma or personality. Most of the last hour of the show pairs him with the egomanicial Mr. Shubert. And it's a great double act.

Other than that, there's little to say. The pilot fairly zips along. The score is sumptuous. The production values are high (witness the FX, or the destruction of the undersea complex) and while the show is very much "comic book" in content, it is "Drama Series" in tone. I last saw this pilot 13 years ago. It wowed me as a kid, it wowed me 13 years ago, and it wowed me tonight. It's great fun from start to finish.

And, strangely, I'm just as smitten with Dr. Merrill as I was when I was 8. Seems like my tastes haven't changed since I was 8.

Hmm....

Episode 2. "The Death Scouts" is a curious mixture of things that work very well, and things that really don't work at all. It's a fast-moving plot-driven sci-fi adventure, but it sacrifices characterisation, clarity and (in the final scene) logic. While the opener was slow and thoughtful at first, gradually building momentum as time went on, the second two-hour movie hits the ground running and never lets up. Three holiday-makers are killed in a genuinely shocking opening scene, we learn that Dr. Merill has left the Navy and taken Mark Harris with her to a government-funded Foundation for Oceanic Research, but when word reaches her of the peculiarities surrounding the three deaths, she grabs Mark and they head out to investigate. Back at the Foundation, Merrill's co-worker unearths a strange rock from the sea-floor and, out in the nearby communtity, two unearthly people have come ashore and are having strange encounters with the locals. While at the morgue, Dr. Merrill and Mark hear of the strange twosome and spearhead a search. Before long, Mark has found them, battled them and found them to be just like him in a number of ways. Could this be the answer to his questions about himself?

Whew! And that's just the first third! It goes on like that, zipping along and being very enjoyable. Unfortunately, the character-work on the mysterious amnesiac Mark Harris, which was done in the pilot, has been abandoned and now he's just a strong silent hero. As such, it must be said, he gets some cool scenes. His second battle with the aliens takes place underwater and shows him to be a truly formidable opponent. Later on, when they have taken control of the Foundation's submarine, Mark calmly steps up and disarms them. Using brain, as well as brawn, in a truly awesome moment of super-hero coolness.

The aliens themselves are interesting and well cast (Tiffany Bolling and Burr DeBenning who I've alway liked), but it's not exactly clear what their plans are. They come ashore, wander aimlessly, complain a lot about being hungry, talk about things they intend to do but, after a few encounters with Mark, they basically give up on all of that and push the self-destruct button on their ship (I think). It doesn't help that one of them tells Mark a lot of lies to enlist his aid. Was it all lies? Was some of it true? Which parts? How are we to know?

The movie's final Big Scene is a supposedly emotional death scene where the female alien and Mark appear to have developed strong feelings for one another. How? When? There's even a god-awful moment where he gives her a kiss, so that she will know the sensation of one before she dies. Huh? Isn't Mark supposed to be The Innocent? How does he know these things? Hasn't he got amnesia? Wasn't the whole reason for him staying at the end of the pilot so that he could learn about the surface world? How did he learn so much so soon? (He must have had a busy couple of weeks, lucky bugger.)

In short, despite weaker elements, I liked it. Mark is an awesome hero, and when he goes into action (with that superb theme music playing in the background) it sets the pulse racing.

Episode 3. "Killer Spores" is the least enjoyable of the movies that started the series. The first third details what happens when a small space probe crashes to the sea-bed with a colony of alien spores attached. Mark Harris is sent to investigate and is soon posessed by the aliens. However, since Duffy plays Harris with emotionless monotone, it can be hard to tell when the character is possessed and when he is just being his usual boring self.

The middle third is the best part of the movie. The aliens take Mark out into the desert (for no reason explained adequately in the script). Thing is, since Mark is from the sea he needs to go back to the water every few hours or he will die. The car chase that starts this segment, the chase through the desert and the rescue by helicopter are all very exciting.

The final third, however, is awful. The alien spores escape out into the world and start 'testing' random humans so that they can 'understand' the human condiditon. Or something. What we get are lots and lots of scenes of lots and lots of extras laughing, crying, whistling, throwing stuff around and other embarrassing nonsense. Very hard to watch.

Episode 4. "The Disappearances" While this is the strongest - by far - of the sequels to Man From Atlantis, this is also the movie that drives home just how many problems the writers were apparently having with the concept of the series.

Movies 2 and 3 both feature Aliens. From outer space. Who, ah, take over the bodies of humans. The aliens in Movie 2 inhabit the bodies of guest starts, while the aliens in Movie 3 turn the regular cast into puppets. But, essentially, it is the same idea in both movies.

Movie 4 goes all the way back to Movie 1 for inspiration. Both are about megalomaniacs. Who live in vast undersea complexes. Who, ah, are kidnapping scientists from the surface world! And while Darleen Carr isn't quite as good as Victor Buono in the role, it must be said that she is superb. And it is refreshing to see a very slight, very pretty, young woman playing the mastermind behind the shenanigans. Carr is cast against type and she is wonderful. It's a pity the script is so dopey.

Regular character Dr. Merrill is kidnapped at the start of this movie and forced to help work the undersea complex. Her kidnapping makes sense, I suppose, in context of the regular kidnappings that befall scientists in the world of MFA. Once in the undersea lair, Merrill is brainwashed by a spa (!!) and cheerfully chips in.

Mark Harris, meanwhile, and the team from the Foundation for Oceanic Research (or something) search for her. At one point, they get information from an FBI agent, deduce what it means and immediately set out (unarmed) to find Dr. Merrill. It never orrurs to any of them to contact the FBI which would, of course, have prevented their own kidnappings later in the movie. Idiots.

Mark Harris comes off quite badly in this movie. Indeed, he only really came off as cool and interesting in the second movie. For most of this movie he is silent, dour and - given his background - a liability to the success of the Good Guy's mission. Since the writers have given him such a cool background, it's a pity they have no idea how to use it. On shows like Six Million Dollar Man or Incredible Hulk the viewers were always treated to cool stuff that the hero could do. No so here. Mark gets beaten up quickly (and easily) by the kidnappers of Dr. Merrill and left to die in a tool shed. "Die" because he needs to get back to the water "every four hours". This achillies heel was a large part of Movie 3 also, when the aliens took Mark to the desert. Here he faces death because he has been locked in a tool shed. Even worse, he totally fails to do anything cool to get out. He just lies there gasping for ages until he is found quite by chance. What were the writers thinking? What's cool about that?

The rest of the time it is Dr. Simon who deduces everything and leads the way towards rescue. Kenneth Tigar is excellent in this role but he was written out of the regular series.

Man From Atlantis, unlike contemporaries like Wonder Woman or Logan's Run, tends to tell it's stories in simplistic manner. Coming ashore at the exact spot where Dr. Merrill was taken (!), Mark is able to walk from the water, up the beach, into a deserted hut and - immediately - find the hidden button to the secret eleavator to the undersea complex!! Later on, when he is putting an end to the evil plot Mark is able to find exactly the right pipe to sabotage in a room of hundreds. This kind of ropey thinking in very disappointing.

Read The Full Article:
http://yetanothertvreviewpodcast.blogspot.com/2008/07/man-from-atlantis-episode-r
eviews.html

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I'll Be Watching More poll

Finally getting around to moving these old polls off the front page(!!). This one dates back to 7 October 2007 and reflects what new shows some readers were planning to keep watching.

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Michael Imperioli joins Life on Mars cast

Filed under: Celebrities, Casting, Reality-Free

Former Sopranos mobster Michael Imperioli is returning to television as a police detective. The actor has been cast in ABC's Life on Mars, an American adaptation of the BBC series. Imperioli landed the role of Detective Ray Carling, one of the lead character's colleagues. Ray is described as "a rough, tough sexist who has never heard of the phrase 'politically correct'."

This cast addition is the latest of many changes made to the drama. David E. Kelley is out as the Life on Mars showrunner, and October Road's Josh Applebaum, Andre Nemec, and Scott Rosenberg have replaced him. Producers also decided to move the show's production and fictional setting from Los Angeles to New York City.

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Only in WeHo

It's not clear who gets to play Lucy, but the concept is pretty funny. A "breakout performance" by recently spotted Jai Rodriquez? We were told he was the talent on a recent gay cruise and the results were...embarrassing. Jai really needs to be in "Naked Boys Singing" or something more revealing.
"Starring Jai Rodriguez (Rent, Queer Eye, The Producers) in a breakout performance, Jim J. Bullock (Hairspray, Too Close for Comfort),and more TBA. Escaping the bloodshed of his native island, a youngCuban boy sets sail on a turbulent journey that leads him all the wayto Hollywood and into the arms of a fiery, redheaded movie star namedLucille Ball. Book, music & lyrics by Robert Bartley & DannyWhitman. July 10-12, 8pm; July 13, 4pm. For tickets go to www.DanceWithMeTheMusical.com."

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So You Think You Can Dance Rundown: The Top 14

Maybe the producers heard all the complaints that last week's So You Think You Can Dance was too slow, because this week's performance episode was jam-packed. I'm not sure that we've ever seen 14 performances in a night before, plus there was an extra body at the judges' table (though maybe Tabitha and Napoleon only count as one brain?). It was a lot to take in.

No couple utterly bombed, but very few managed to be stellar in both performances. That said, I have to give the Couple of the Night Award to Kherington and Twitch. It's not even really fair to praise Twitch for dancing out of his element at this point; his "element" is so small that nearly everything will be outside of it. But he had to run the emotional gamut on Wednesday, being a tough, fiery matador one minute and a tender, brokenhearted ex-boyfriend the next, and he pulled both off admirably. Kherington impressed me, too, for getting through two routines with nary a smile and for holding up better overall than I would have guessed from her auditions. Plus, they had a routine where they got to jump on a bed! Unfair advantage!

Couple of the Night Runners-Up: Chelsie and Mark. Chelsie is one of those people who could literally be given any dance and pull it off well. She's not just a dancer, she's a spunky little actress, and the way she gets into character can make up for anything she lacks on the technical side. Mark, meanwhile, has gone from "that goofy Queen guy" to one of my favorites on the show; he's the perfect foil for Chelsie.

That leaves the other five, so to see who I think could find themselves in the bottom and to see pictures of all the dances, just

read more

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So You Think You Can Dance - Double The Dancing,
Double the Trouble

The Top 14 Contestants Perform: Just when the dancers were starting to get comfortable... Bam! They hit them with double the work. And some people just can't handle it.

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The Mole: How To Whine About Nothing For An
Entire Hour

This weekend I saw two grown men (sort of) down entire shot glasses full of M&Ms, followed by a solid five minutes of regretful chewing. It was awesome. And it was at a wedding.Clearly, you can see how this relates to The Mole. This week, we learned that people can pretty much argue about anything for extended lengths of time, and that for some reason this will be considered entertainment. So apologies if this week's recap seems a little short. There's only so much comedy you can squeeze out of a bunch of people standing around and discussing shit for twenty minutes. Jon welcomes the teams to a train station somewhere in the middle of Argentina. He smarmily explains that this place was used as a holding station for prisoners who were being transported. The players suddenly get all scandalized, as if learning random bits of historical trivia is something that they've never experienced before.

"Oh my God, it's just like Oregon Trail!"

Jon explains that trust will be a key element in the next challenge, and then uses his MAGICAL WIZARD POWERS to instantly turn the day into night. That's odd. Next thing we know, the players legs are all chained up to the steel bars behind them, the sun is long gone, and it's really cold out. This mission is called "All For One," and I immediately get really excited because I see jail cells and I think back to season two, when the players were all locked up and had to figure out how to get the key by using only the random knickknacks in their cells. Alas, this mission is not like that at all, and is also exceedingly boring.Well, that's not true. The concept is cool, but it really boils down to a lot of inaction. Basically, the players are chained in such a way that only one person will be able to reach the cell across the room, which contains the key to set them free. One by one, the players will decide who gets the key, and once the chosen one unlocks him/herself, they can run off into the night and find Jon, who will be waiting with a crackling, warm fire, a nice meal, a comfy bed, and a little something extra if they play their cards right. If all players free themselves by sunrise, they get $25,000 added to the pot. The only catch is that there is an exemption sitting right next to the key, and if anyone decides to take it, the leftover players will have to sleep there overnight in the cold, and no money is added to the pot.Got all that? Good, because I'm not repeating it. The little key door opens every ten minutes, so the players have plenty of powwow time to discuss their options. And discuss they do. At length. Every single decision is broken down with pie-chart levels of scrutiny. It's tedious and wearisome, not unlike any given episode from season two of Heroes. (There! I said it!)Here's how it all goes down: Craig claims that he's still sick from the health crisis of last week, so everyone more or less agrees to let him go first. He takes the key, and leaves. Then they all complain a lot and make a lot of random accusations. Clay pulls out his sleeping bag, while Kristen reminds him of the deal he made with her last week when he took the exemption, that he would do her a solid in the future. More whining. Eventually they decide on Kristen, who takes the key.Ugh. See, I like this mission, but it doesn't really make for good television. Better for a Board Game Night or something. The strategies and trust issues are interesting, and a certain amount of suspense surrounds each key/exemption choice, but the debating in between is painful.I will press on nonetheless. They agree on Paul, who swears on his daughter's life that he won't take the exemption, and after a lame commercial break fake-out, he doesn't. He does, however, make a series of ridiculous retard faces. As per usual.

"Anyone ordah a pizzah pie?"

At this point, Clay, Alex, and Nicole mostly suspect Mark as being the one who would most likely take the exemption. But they're wary of each other as well, and no one really wants to go. Clay wants to stick around because he doesn't want to left the rest of those idiots to battle it out amongst themselves, but eventually he caves and is the next person to leave. Mark, still out of his mind with anger over the whole journal fiasco, doesn't trust anyone and is grilling both Nicole and Alex over whether he can trust them or not, but eventually lets them both go - first Nicole, then Alex.Meanwhile, back at the Harmony Hut, Jon and the other players are having a delicious meal and getting insanely hammered (probably). Most of them believe that Mark, the only one left, is going to take the exemption because he has had some sort of an epiphany and will now do anything in this new frantic, deranged, journal-less state.

Come on, Mark. Take some of that sweet, sweet E.

Eventually Mark arrives at the dinner table and everyone demands to know what he decided. But he gets all squirrelly and wants to know what they've been saying about him. Hmm. Mark may or may not be a teenage girl. Paul thinks he left the exemption, while Clay thinks he took it. "I do have something green in my pocket," Mark sneers. I'm hoping it's something completely random, like a cucumber. That would really confuse the hell out of everyone. Instead, with a flourish, Mark throws a package of mints onto the table, and the minions rejoice.

The mint smelled round the world.

Jon adds the money to the pot, then miraculously procures a fresh batch of new journals for everyone. The minions rejoice yet again. All except for Mark, who no longer cares about the accursed journals: "It's like if you lose your wedding ring. You can't replace it." Which is why Mark's been running around for years with a totally naked finger. Come and get him, ladies!Oh, I kid. Who can stay mad at this face?

"I dwopped my ice cweam."

So the next day, the team is off, driving through the Andes to the town of Mendoza. (And every time this is mentioned, all I can think of is the villain in the McBain movie on Simpsons, so in my mind it is always pronounced "Mendooooza" in a heavy German accent. *The More You Know*) And since we haven't had an all-out, balls-to-the-wall smackdown yet, it's time for that to happen. Clay asks Paul about his birthday so he can write it down in his new journal, and Paul starts to get all uppity and difficult, and before you know it, the two are going at it like hyenas. Clay hides behind Jesus, while Paul uses the ever-popular strategy of "You're a lawyer who does nothing but defend criminals! Your whole life is just a hypocrite!" I DEFY you to try and diagram that sentence.This whole fiasco continues, complete with bleeped obscenities, until Craig decides to abandon them for the Van of Peace, Sunshine, and Rainbows. The fight escalates until it ends as all good fights do, with projectile fruit. Clay chucks Paul's only friend, Mr. Lemonhead, right at his head, and Paul of course goes ballistic. My favorite part of this whole thing is the way that Clay calmly describes the events in interview, placidly stating that Paul "didn't anticipate an adversary like me." So Clay's a smarmy bastard. Who knew?Kristen agrees to switch places with Clay, so he jumps on over to the Fun Van, where everyone breaks out into an impromptu theme song that I believe is sung to the tune of the President of the United States of America's "Peaches" and that contains the lyrics: "Driving through the Andes, looking for the mission..." Don't worry - resident musician Alex is heading up the merriment. We've got a professional here.The next morning at breakfast, Clay and Paul are still shooting eye daggers at each other, but sadly no more fruit. Clay says that as a Christian, it is his job to forgive. I hate people like this. Be a jackass, be a douchebag, fine, but don't turn around and keep revering yourself as a Christian at the same time. Remember the Wheelers from the family edition of Amazing Race? They did the exact same thing. And they were pure evil. Anyway, Jon engages the team in conversation over coffee and dry-looking toast. Craig says that he feels that all of his health problems are exemption-worthy. Yeah, that's not how it works, dude. You escaped with your life and chronically damaged lungs. You "win".Okay, new mission called "Travelers." The kids are to break up into three teams of two, and must travel 5.5 miles to a crazy-looking statue. For every team that gets there, $10,000 added to the pot. Since there are seven of them, that means one is left over. And that person is Craig, who, as the first person to mention the word "exemption" at breakfast that morning, was from then on secretly designated as the Transportation Captain. He gets to choose the teams and pick the various forms of transportation that they will be using. If no one gets to the goal, he will earn an exemption, but no money goes into the pot. "With the sweet, comes the sour," smarms Jon.

"I just had my eyebrows sharpened this morning."

Jon leads Craig over to "Jon's Rentals". Kind of an odd choice for a small business, a random rental store in the mountains of Argentina, but you do whatever you gotta do to pay those Botox bills, Jon. He shows Craig the various tortures that he may foist upon the other players, such as scuba gear, random bikes and whatnot, and a really cheerful llama costume.

"I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE!!"

When the other players arrive, Craig tells them that he's going to go for the exemption, but he's also going to make this fun. And by fun, he of course means humiliating. He assigns Alex to a conquistador costume, complete with donkey, and Mark gets the scuba gear. Meanwhile, on Team Circus, Clay gets a unicycle and Kristen gets stilts. Finally, Paul and Nicole must suit up in the llama suit, with Nicole at the head and Paul, appropriately, at the ass.Mark immediately says he's not doing it, and then proceeds to lead the revolt among the other players. One by one, they all opt out. Kristen is especially insistent, saying that she doesn't to look like a circus freak. On foot-high stilts? Jesus, woman. It's not like you have to dress up in a ridiculous costume. That's Alex's job.

"So are we doing this, or what? Guys?"

Alex says in interview, though I'm not quite sure he said it out loud to the group, that there's a chance that Jon could meet them halfway with some sort of a deal, as is his way. Sure enough, Jon and Craig are waiting at the halfway point, probably with some sort of insidious offer, but no teams arrive. You just know Jon is heartbroken over this.

"WHERE ARE MY MINIONS??"

So with NO small amount of griping and whining, the players decide to abandon the whole thing and drive the van up to the monument. Craig is happy that he got the exemption, but Jon looks absolutely crestfallen as he surveys the donkey-less group, crushed that his malicious little plan for embarrassment failed so miserably. He asks if the decision was made by one person, and while the team says that it was made collectively, we all remember that it was really Mark. Craig says that his suspicions of Mark have increased, and Clay agrees in interview, saying that he can't think of a time that he, Clay, has quit something without even trying. Oh, you mean like in the naked mission, when you quit immediately without even trying? Get out of here, Jesus boy.At the pre-quiz dinner back in Mendooooza, Craig apologizes to everyone for treating them like shit when they let him get out of the cold first in the previous challenge. They're still bitter, but they agree that they all probably would have gone for the exemption. The only difference is the manner in which he did it. They start throwing around words like "dignity" and "scruples," and can we just back the fuck up for a moment? You people walked around Santiago, a heavily populated city, in your UNDERWEAR, and you can't dress up in a little llama outfit in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE? Ugh. I think Craig puts it best when he exclaims "These people are crazy!" Amen, fatty.Quiz time. No snarky questions this week. I think the writers are losing their edge. Or possibly their patience. At the Results Caucus, Jon says that there was a tie yet again this week, and that the difference in time was only ONE second. Ouch. And long story short, the red screen this week goes to...Kristen.

Farewell, Kristen. We'll miss your creepy fembot tendencies and deathly fear of circus freaks.

Well then. Scratch that one off the list. I think this is the first week that someone has been executed who has been on my Suspicious Roster. Kristen exhibited classic Mole behavior throughout the game. I thought she'd definitely be in the finals, whether as the Mole or as a potential winner. Oh well.Mark is going pretty heavy on the Mole behavior, but I'm still not feeling it from him. I think he's really stressed out from being away from his family, and he's also trying really hard to win, and I think people are mistaking that for Moleyness. But I could be wrong. I'm also starting to rethink Clay a little. That explosion with Paul and all of the Jesus stuff - maybe being quiet and backgroundy is really just part of his strategy. I'll tell you who has bumped up on my list though - Alex. He VERY often just sits back and lets others argue it out, which I must admit - if I were the Mole and I was part of this retarded group - would be my strategy, too. They're all so crazy that whoever is the Mole doesn't really have to do anything at all, and Alex is such a doormat that he seems to do just that with no problem.Anyway, what do you think? If you were to choose a fruit as your lifelong companion, which kind would you pick?

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Catching up with The Closer and Saving Grace -
VIDEOS

Filed under: Video, The Closer, Reality-Free

All things considered, the summer television season is off to a pretty good start. I've been enjoying My Boys, The Middleman, Fear Itself, and So You Think You Can Dance, to name a few. The schedules might be a little heavy with the reality programming at the moment, but that's changing soon enough. Over the next few weeks we have the likes of Eureka, Psych, Burn Notice, Stargate: Atlantis, Monk, The Closer, and Saving Grace all making their returns.

With those last two in mind, I thought I would point everyone to some handy recaps the fine folks over at TNT put together to get us back up to speed before the shows return on July 14th. Each of the videos manages to crunch the last season down to about four and a half minutes, and I've embedded them after the jump.

Continue reading Catching up with The Closer and Saving Grace - VIDEOS

 

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